Bookworm Part 1 Vol. 3 Discussion!
That's fair. Switched over to fewer.
At 60% of part 6, Myne says "I'll
bebetter"; "I'll do better" would be more common in the context, assuming the original supports it. Be works, but seems awkward in English.
@someoldguy It's only more common because of the implication, since you'll rarely hear "I'll be better" in common discourse.
- "I'll do better" implies that your actions were subpar and you will choose a better action in the future. It's an admission of a mistake, but rarely anything more.
- "I'll be better" implies an acknowledgement of a flaw or weakness in yourself that you vow to overcome in order to improve as a person. It's more of an admission of a pattern of behavior than a singular event.
Part 1, 84%: My hair hung down and Jutte delicately rinsed it for me. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 1, 86%: I sat up to say my thanks and Jutte stood up. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 1, 87%: I had wondered why ... but now I see that it wasn't just the result... -> "but now I saw that...
Part 1, 87%: The food, bathing room, furniture, and so on... -> no comma before "and so on"
Part 1, 89%: She needed the strength ... to survive in noble society and she needed to learn... -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 1, 89%: Her life, future, and the expectations of her family... -> no comma before "and"
Part 2, 5%: There were several brushes and hairpins lined along the table and Freida was sitting... -> needs a comma before "and"... also "lined along" sounds strange. Better "lined up on"?
Part 2, 9%: Freida stood up and a maid pulled the chair back. -> needs a comma before "and
Part 2, 11%: ...fur around the neck and it was embroidered... -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 2, 43%: ...but it hung from my arms and the dress ... went all the way to my ankles. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 2, 44%: ...I was wearing nothing but Tuuli's summer outfit and thus my weak, weak body caught a cold... -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 2, 62%: Goosebumps covered my body and I was starting to feel... -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 2, 63%: We exchanged glances and she went to see who it was. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 2, 79%: I could count on him giving me a harsh reality check if need be given his experience... -> comma before "given" not necessary but would improve readability of the sentence.
Part 2, 81%: A rough knock sounded on the door and a young soldier came inside. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 0%: ...I pouted and Dad forced a laugh. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 1%: We put our utensils down and mom set cups of tea... onto the table. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 1%: Hesitant thoughts stirred through my mind and the actual explanation just wasn't coming out. -> needs a comma before "and"... Also "stirred through my mind" sounds super-awkward... Though that might be intentional here...
Part 3, 1%: Sweat beaded on my brow and the more I panicked, the blanker my mind became. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 3%: That was a bombshell for my family and after a moment of stunned silence, everyone opened their eyes and somebody gasped. -> needs a comma before "and after" as well as before "and somebody"; NO comma before "everyone"
Part 3, 10%: Sign a contract with a noble and become their slave, or live with my family and rot away. -> No comma before "or"
Part 3, 10%: ...they'll have full control over the contract and we have no idea how they'll treat me. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 23%: ...cried Tuuli and my parents both nodded. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 27%: my parents knew how jobs worked and I didn't. -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 28%: ..., but contrast to my expectations he listened to what I had to say very seriously. -> "...contrary to my expectations he had listened...."
Part 3, 35%: I... greeted the guard, who I now knew on sight, before... -> "whom I now knew by sight.." (first change mandatory, second change optional)
Part 3, 37%: Otto blinked in surprise and I nodded... -> needs a comma before "and"
Part 3, 37%: I talked to my family about my Devouring and we decided... -> needs a comma before "and"
Oh man, Myne got angry. That's a big no-no High Bishop... 😱
Here's a few more errors that I didn't see reported yet.
Volume 3 - Part 4:
- There's 1 instance of
Merchant’s guildthat should be capitalized to Merchant’s Guild for consistency. It's near the end of the part.
Volume 3 - Part 6:
- [Generic Issue] Between part 5 and 6 there is a mix of blue-robed (with dash) and
blue robed / gray robed(without dashes). Just a minor consistency nitpick.
- [7%] “Ah, yeah, can’t help that with an
outfit like yours.► The dialogue's closing double quote is missing.
you’d break your promise with me?said Tuuli, ► The dialogue's closing double quote is missing.
- [18%] the stories, I want to read the book
too,” ► Replace
- [26%] with the Gli*co Man
post, and I instinctively ► It should be pose.
- [30%] Lutz patted my head and
ginned. “Well, don’t worry. ► It should be grinned.
- [41%] to overwork the gray priests
and shrine maidens?► The dialogue's closing double quote is missing.
- [44%] the blue-robed priests in the temple
rightwere nobles ► Remove
- [61%] If the fact you’re
notalready registered isn’t enough ► Given the context, the word
notshould be removed.
- [63%] Figure out your priorities ahead of
time”► Missing period.
- [67%] Freida’s eyes immediately
shownwith the sharp glint of ► It should be shone.
- [94%] The High Bishop’s smug
oneand behavior were putting ► It should be tone.
- There's 1 instance of
Okay, those comma mistakes are WAY too many to list them all...
Is that something they usually catch in editing? Volumes 1 and 2 didn't have that same mistake nearly as often, and noone else seems to bother pointing them out in the thread.
Rahul Balaggan last edited by
@mirage_gsm yes more then likely they will be caught in the final QA, so for the most part people just leave it out.
@terabyte Rainbow Eyes has made an appearance!
Rahul Balaggan last edited by Rahul Balaggan
I moved the comma talk over to a new topic, since it seemed to go on for longer then originally anticipated.
If Myne were a JNC member I am sure she would have her own thoughts on proper comma usage...
@terabyte Rainbow Eyes has made an appearance!
Got curious how it would looks like in color, and there are lots of rainbow eye images out there. Looking forward to see how it will be rendered in anime.
Back in part 5, Myne deal with the sash around her waist, adjusting the knot to deal with her (slightly) grown body. It is currently translated as "butterfly knot", which is direct translation of original Japanese, but the actual translation should be "bow knot". English butterfly knot (loop) actually refers to different kind of knot.
But Myne did a variation of bow knot, which is to let the bow go around the knot twice, or something like that to manage the extra length. Hard to explain but here is a video of that knot using shoe lace.
What would be the appropriate description to describe this? "Double bow knot" have different meaning for different kind of knot, and I couldn't find English page describing this kind of knot.
Never mind! Looking carefully at manga version, it seems what Myne actually did is "double bow".
The original Japanese seems to have double meaning and could also refer to this kind of knot.
Should "main street" and "main road" be consistent? Both are used for same Japanese word. There are more street than road, but both Volume 1 and Volume 2 uses both, and also mixed in this volume so far.
Contract with Freida
In general, people of the city wore thick mantles and wide hates to block the rain. ->
In general, people of the city wore thick mantles and wide hats to block the rain.
- wear hats not hates
To the Baptism Ceremony
My hair wasn't good for complex hairstyles, but it didn't not much so it a quick brush was all it took to fix it back into shape. ->
My hair wasn't good for complex hairstyles, but it didn't knot much so a quick brush was all it took to fix it back into shape.
- knot instead of not
- removed it before a quick brush
Rejection and Persuasion
Do you want to be one so much you'd break your promise with me. ->
Do you want to be one so much you'd break your promise with me."
- end " quote mark
I don't want to be a shrine maiden or anything, I just want in that room." ->
I don't want to be a shrine maiden or anything, I just want to be in that room."
- added "to be"
You'll have to tell me, I don't have a clue."
I heard the High Priest's call out to me from over my shoulder, his voice panicked.
I replied with an uninterested "Hm" and took step after step towards to the High Bishop.
After taking four steps forward, the High Bishop's eyes rolled to the back of his head and passed out while frothing at the mouth.
--"I took"; insert "he"
You must not, kill him.
--missing opening quote; also, an ellipsis would probably be more natural in English for showing a pause in speech than the comma here.
Not only had gotten in between me and the High Bishop, he had talked to me while looking me in the eyes.
"This is the punishment I brought upon myself.
--I'm pretty sure "a" would be more natural here.
It seemed that the high priest doing the real work in the temple.
"The effects depend on the quantity of mana, so it is possible the crushing we saw was the result of Myne's mana growing bit by bit over the ears.
"I should be dead already, you're right.
The High Priest was right, it wasn't easy for a kid with the Devouring to survive until their baptism ceremony.
Living a life where you can do what you want is the same thing as being dead.
I was so moved I let an explosion of joy, but it didn't get through to anyone.
The High Priest looked at me and shook my head, frustrated at myself for
"Even when I'm healthy, I need Lutz to do anything."
--incompletely translated sentence
I'm registered to the Merchant's Guild right now.
--I think "at" would be better here?
I waited for the High Priests answer.
"No. If she will be treated as a blue shrine maiden and given work only on days when she is healthy while staying at home otherwise, as a parent I
--missing part of sentence
Once we left the temple and the tall walls surrounded it, the bright blue noon sky helped as sense of release flow through me.
I giggled and tapped my first against Dad's.
As I welled in relief that everyone was safe, we walked down the main street and turned into the small alley that led to our home.
Despite knowing that he was probably grinning due to something nice happening with his beloved wise, there was something about that smile that made Gunther want to give Otto a hard punch to the face.
Usually it's the other way around, should give you some perspective,"
--functionally a comma splice
The eastern gate connected to the main outside road which meant there was a constant flow of people through it and plenty of inns and restaurants nearby.
--probably should be a comma inserted here
It was summer, so each restaurant had their downs thrown wide up and the loud voices of people drinking could be heard everywhere.
Gunther and Otto walked through the throng of people on their way to a bar that most gate guards spent their time.
When gunther stepped into the bar filled with the smell of alcohol and food,
--should be capitalized
Gunther nodded as he passed through the noisy crowd to the back of the store and called out to the store owner, pouring beers behind the bar.
The only thing left on the hard bread used as plates, a little softer due to sucking up meat.
--insert "the table was"; also maybe add "juices" after "meat"
Gunther ptu his empty mug on the table and urged Otto on after wiping his mouth.
A traveling merchant who said he was selling the last of his merchandise and going to the city where his parents live to start a stable store came back just a few days later, saying he used all his money to buy citizenship and needed help finding a new job.
Otto's had learned to dread and do math during his time as a merchant, and he wasn't bad at either of them.
Otto joining the guards made it a lot easier to deal with passing by merchants and people with letters of introduction from merchants.
--delete "by"; also, is the second "merchants" supposed to be "nobles"?
"...That more or less happened a while ago ,so no
--reversed comma and space
but had that not happened he would have executed Gunther and Myne before sending Myne to the orphanage.
--I'm blanking on the name but this should be Myne's mom, right?
Gunther's main goal in letting Myne go to the temple was extending her live.
Now that she had finally following her dreams, Gunther wanted her to keep living and have the life she wanted.
Gunther narrowed his eyes and after glancing around the bustling store, lowered his voice a little.
He could ask the resident of the city if they had seen anyone suspicious,
Gunther returned the same confident grin gulped down the rest of his behelle before putting his mug on the table. He then clenched his fist, bent his elbow, and tapped his fast against Otto's.
--insert "and"; "fist"
Her silky purple hair fell onto it.
--wasn't Myne's hair described as a very dark blue before? And shown as that in the pictures.
It was a girl's dream to be as loved and cared as Corinna is.
--insert "for"; "was"
Myne said she's really nice, I hope that's true.
She also said I could put on nice work clothes and wear a long sleeved apron to keep it clean.
--"them"; also, I've never heard of an apron having sleeves before? Is that the correct translation or is it just like a long apron?
Her eyes widened a bit after saw what we were doing.
We passed through the central plaza and headed to the north side of the city, where the people walking around had much fancier and elaborate clothes.
You should save anything you have to say about me to Benno and Mark, since I don't talk with Corinna much at all."
"I've never seen clothes like this before, they're super new to me.
We were using it to make all sorts of sweets I didn't know about like "crepes," "compotes," and "faux-cookies," she said something about making "pudding" if it were colder.
Corinna held it up, took a good look, and observed it carefully while turning it around and flipping the sleeves.
"This is quite a unique way of repurposing old clothes."
--is there an image missing here?
Would they be acceptable, I wonder?" asked Corrina with a warm smile.
I hadn't expected that she would like the hairpin enough to start making them in her own hairpin.
I year had passed since I began my apprentice work but there was still so much I didn't know.
said Corinna as she showed up a commissioned dress she was in the middle of making.
I'm not Benno, I don't rip people off. Also, this is money for my workshop, it's not my own personal money."
Looks like image missing at 66%. Just has
[IMG]out of nowhere.
cosm1cfall last edited by
We already passed the epilogue but I guess we have at least one more part to go.
Not so much a problem, but it's a wording issue
- [63%] I wish I could use lots of sugar like this > "I wish I could use lots of honey like this" since the next line they start talking about buying honey. Corinna is presumably not loaded with the rare commodity sugar such that she's baking snacks with it.
Other stuff I noticed that hasn't been mentioned
- [75%] Leise - Confectionery Recipe > Supposed to be a section title I assume not a regular line
- [80%] Her mission was to make Myne join her story. > While story could possibly work if this is a recounting of an epic ballad, I think it's supposed to be "make Myne join her store."
- [85%] "It's for preservation. I tried this at hope but the fruit went bad > I tried this at home but the fruit went bad
The "sugar" might be correct, since it goes on to talk about her making sweets with the limited supply of sugar she has, and honey is a type of sugar.
Lol, I'm not sure exactly why but the idea of Myne having servants just cracks me up.
Part 7 cont.
"I'll get all the recipes ready. I have Frieda a heart answer and went right for my cooking tools.
--missing closing quote; "gave"; "short"?
I loved to learn and and I loved to think about how to improve the recipes I had been taught and the recipes I had stolen by watching others cook.
--delete one "and"
and slowly over time I stole the techniques held by the head chief.
The head chief had recommended me, as he knew I was skilled enough to be a head chief myself but didn't have the connections to make it there.
so that she would be better prepared to live the noble's quarter when she reached adulthood.
--insert "in" after "live" and change "noble's" to "nobles'" with the possessive apostrophe after the "s"
Finally I had a chance to show off my skills as a head chief.
She definitely new more recipes.
Frieda had been pushing herself to surprise limits after first deciding to hold a taste testing ceremony.
--"surpass"? Also I think "taste testing" might maybe need a dash?
"Exploiting your exclusivity isn't a bad idea, but I think lowering the price and spreading it around is the best thing to do If you want your brand to be well known."
I raised an eyebrow at her and said anything else would cost money, with a finger over her mouth.
Despite just mentioning fruit and alcohol, it seemed what she was talking about used as sugar.
"We'll need a jar like that, do you have any others"
--comma splice; missing question mark
"We can just use that one, it doesn't have anything in it.
I could tell them getting less moist by the moment.
when suddenly Frieda's shot up and looked at the table.
--missing word or mistaken possessive
She left Myne in the kitchen and speedily left the kitchen,
"You can cut up and crush the tea leaves to bit so they don't hurt the food's mouth feel when you mix them with the batter.
That meant not leaving a guest alone for a bit, but she would be the first one taste testing it so it all worked out.
I rose an eyebrow while beating eggs.
There was danger in a status based society and the hardships status brought were no laughing matter.
Maybe I good time would be when the pound cake exclusivity runs out."