Slayers - Correction Topic

pip25

Volume 11 - Part 1:

[15%]: "Delmodd" - that's an odd romanization for "terumōdo".
[15%]: "I'd helped put that to bed with a bunch of other sorcerers(...)" I don't think we need plural for "sorcerers" here. This is a reference to a Slayers Special story (from volume six, titled "ああ友情の攻城戦"), where, according to Japanese summaries I could find online, Lina is assisted by the one and only Naga the Serpent in taking down the sorcerers' rebellion. :) Lina is referring to her here - it's actually something of a trend that she never mentions Naga in the main novel series by name. Must be all those pleasant memories they shared together. :P
[30%]: "The lesser demon howled at the obstruction (...)" Wasn't it howling at Lina? She wasn't blocking its way or anything. The fan translation put this as the demon itself blocking her way - I'm not sure that's accurate but the current wording sounds weird.

Terabyte

Volume 11 - Part 2:

[7%] she’d frequently trolled around here with her big ► It should be strolled.
[19%] Travelling underwater in a bubble sounded easy ► It should be Traveling (US spelling).
[86%] where the attack had originated! Wham! Wham! ► It should be originated from.
[97%] “Aria! Abort the Levitation!” I now called. ► Remove now.

pip25

Volume 11 - Part 2:

[44%]: "How about we keep digging, walk for a while, then come up somewhere else?" I guess this could be called nitpicking, but Lina and co. couldn't exactly walk here, they were crawling on all fours, more like.
[89%]: There is a bit of detail here in the fan translation that seems to be missing: Lina helps Gourry jump off the exact moment when the mysterious "red light" magic attack is launched at them once more. As she pushes him away, the reaction force sends both of them in opposite directions in the air, letting them avoid the blast.
In this version, the red light is said to have "streaked ever closer" when Gourry jumps off, but after that the narration apparently forgets about it, and we never find out how Lina and the others managed to get out of its way.

pip25

Volume 11 - Part 3:

[17%] : (Nitpick)
"Are you crazy?! You could have gotten us killed!" Dilarr shouted.
"But I didn't, did I?" I countered.
The fan translation rendered the latter sentence as “Ah, relax. We all made it through alive, after all. ♡" - yes, complete with a heart symbol. XD It's basically that fake cutesy tone Lina sometimes uses to avoid taking responsibility for something (and it never works).
[26%]: "If this place was connected to the council basement, surely there would have been rumors about it at least, right?" I'm not sure simply going with "this place" conveys Lina's point very well, that being how having access to a whole cave system from below the council building would surely pique people's interest.
[78%]: "Her spell appeared behind us, rushing our way, and..." Are you sure the spell somehow bounced back at the barrier? (Aria was inside the barrier when she cast it.) If she used the same tactic as Lina did the day before, she should have simply summoned a stationary Fireball outside the barrier and then made it explode. (So only the shockwave would hit the Lei Wing, which does not have a really strong shielding effect to begin with.)

pip25

Volume 11 - Part 4:

[0%]: "The arrows shot straight at Kailus!" At first I thought this was a mistranslation, but Kailus really did target himself with his own arrows to use Mycale's ability on Lina and co. Problem is, the narration does not really emphasize this, and instead presents it the same way as if someone else wanted to blast Kailus instead.
[48%]: "We were going to have to kill her(...)" Not sure how this is phrased in the original but this sounds pretty brutal and/or blunt coming from Lina's mouth.
[64%]: "Does Dulgoffa only know how to fight with bladed weapons?" I'm not sure this phrasing really drives the point home: Dulgoffa is itself a sword, so it only knows how to fight like a sword.
[88%]: "Why do you always have to say the most predictable things?! And don't you dare say 'I don't know' or I'll throttle you!" The fan translation put this quite differently, I'm just copying it here just to be safe: "Of course you have to do that! Do you think I’d just stand idly by if you’d tell me ‘sorry, not my problem’?! I would choke the life out of you!"

Liz

@pip25 Thanks for the checks as always!

Terabyte

Volume 12 - Part 1:

[6%] just say, “Did that all really happen?”—► It should be all that (switch around)?
[87%] “Yeah, we are,” I answered confidently ► Missing period.

pip25

Volume 12 - Part 1:

[7%]: "pretty sketch" -> sketchy?
[37%]: "And that's when the white giant appeared?" Here starts another long exchange between three characters with no descriptive text. Lina does mention Gourry by name later on, but some of these lines could still use some dialog tags.
[76%]: "I visited several local lords, but they all returned my letter(...)" Did Jade visit the lords in person, or did he write some kind of letters to them? The first part of the sentence suggests the former, but the second seems to indicate the latter...
[76%]: "Smells different, huh? Good instincts, bud." Who said that?

pip25

Volume 12 - Part 2:

[30%]: "(...) as I and my four companions (...)" I -> me?
[52%]: "Sitting at a corner table nursing a cup of wine was Mileena." Judging from the cup on the illustration, isn't that actually sake, or some short drink? It really looks too tiny to hold wine.
[67%]: "Corrosion" I'm not sure that word works for describing Gubagg's ability. I mean, it does not corrode anything, there isn't even any metal around for that. It's more like... "absorption" maybe? It's like both of his abilities do something similar, just in different ways.

pip25

Volume 12 - Part 3:

[24%]: "(...) we all stopped all at the same time." One of the "all"s is I'd say unnecessary.

Terabyte

Volume 12 - Part 4:

[11%] harder to get lost than not. It also couldn’t really ► It should be I?
[20%] The plaque on the door read declared it an office, ► Remove read or reword the sentence?

pip25

Volume 12 - Part 4:

"The Ancient Dragon knows the Dynast Army's Plan" - I first blinked, then chuckled after reading this, since "ancient dragons" are a separate dragon species in Slayers. But they're anime-only, so maybe it won't be that much of a problem.
[0%]: "If he'd really become akin to a lesser or brass demon, a normal sword would be enough to do him in." I'm not sure if this is a translation mistake, or simply Kanzaka contradicting himself, but in the previous novel, lesser demons were described as invulnerable to such "normal" attacks. (When Zonagein transformed rats into lesser demons in chapter one.) Weird.
[19%]: "(...) a black longsword." In novel 9, Dulgoffa is described as "a single-edged blade with a gentle curve", which does not fit a longsword (a two-handed, double-edged weapon).
[29%]: "This is... my last chance!" (Original: あたしには... あとがないのよ！) From what I recall about the next novel,

spoiler

so (unless I remember that part wrong or this is an idiom I am misinterpreting), the above interpretation is not necessarily correct. Could she be, instead, saying something like "This is... all I have left!" in the sense that defeating Lina and co. is her only option to heal her wounded pride after the above revelation from her master?

[29%]: "Even the power of Blast Ash couldn't put a scratch on her." Blast Ash is a fairly low-level black spell, and Lina herself admitted a few pages back when she put the spell into the sword that she's not expecting any miracles from it, so I don't think "even" is warranted here.

Liz

@pip25 said in Slayers - Correction Topic:

[0%]: "If he'd really become akin to a lesser or brass demon, a normal sword would be enough to do him in." I'm not sure if this is a translation mistake, or simply Kanzaka contradicting himself, but in the previous novel, lesser demons were described as invulnerable to such "normal" attacks. (When Zonagein transformed rats into lesser demons in chapter one.) Weird.

IIRC lesser demons can technically be killed by such weapons (in that they are corporal beings, unlike pure demons), they just have hides tough enough that they can't usually be pierced by them? I'll double-check some of the older references though.

Terabyte

Volume 13 - Part 1:

[26%] So, how the heck’d you beat ’im? ► The dialogue's closing double quote is missing.
[33%] We were picking a with demons, ► It should be picking a fight?

pip25

Volume 13 - Part 1:

[13%]: "...I don't approve of mere humans addressing me by my nickname! Though I suppose that would make our interactions more harmonious..." This phrasing seems misleading, because it gives the impression that Mephy thinks Lina calling her by her nickname would allow them to get along better. Instead, as evidenced by her next line, she's actually referring to what Lina said earlier, namely that she should "open up a little about herself".
[19%]: "...chosen to remain neutral in conflict amongst humans..." conflict -> conflicts?
[19%]: Any explicit indication in the original text regarding whether Aqualord should be he or she? Because the anime made her into an old lady, and the Eternal Queen of Zephilia, who is Aqualord to an extent, is also a woman.
[19%]: "...is just as the legends say." Is Milgazia saying that the legends are correct, or that even he only has the legends to go by? Previous translations seem to have went with the latter, but this rendering seems to suggest the former.
[65%]: "Then why did they attack us?" I think it's impossible to tell who asks this from the context alone.
[90%]: "'Zenafa' is a chaos word..." (missing "a")

Terabyte

Volume 13 - Part 2:

[67%] hate bein’ left hanging....” Luke muttered listlessly. ► It should be 3 periods.
[74%] age peering out at us from a cell with haggard eyes ► Missing period.

pip25

Volume 13 - Part 2:

[22%]: "What is the meaning of this, humans?" I get it that Milgazia's way of speech has to be preserved somehow, but this line makes him sound affronted. Is that really the case? Isn't he just confused by people's reactions to his joke? Something like "what is the problem" or similar would probably go better with the context when he repeats the same question, after Lina and the guard apologize to each other.
[30%]: Only 5-6 lesser demons a day? Considering we had hordes of them in the last novel, that sounds suspiciously small.
[37%]: "All present nodded in agreement." Despite first impressions, there is no scene change/break after this. Lina merely jumps back a bit to explain what they've done before going to Maias' place, then continues with the previous scene.

pip25

Volume 13 - Part 3:

[74%]: "Sardian and I both gasped." Lina too? It was her plan, why is she surprised?
[81%]: "(...) stood upon the railing of a second-story balcony." Wait, when did they leave the room where they stumbled upon Sardian? Or was it the same room, one with a particularly high ceiling? The original description did not seem to mention this.
[89%]: "...let me read you your last rights, Sir Jade," rights -> rites?

pip25

Volume 13 - Part 4:

[28%]: "The way that Sherra had smiled (...)" I think "that" can be omitted.
[34%]: "Two horn-like appendages grew from his head, arching backward and hardening to cover his cheeks, his brow and his eyes." It feels like something is missing from this sentence. It seems unlikely that the horns themselves would cover Dynast's face, especially since they are described as arching backwards (assumably towards the back of his head), not forwards.
[34%]: "Vulabazard Flare": Just a note for the sake of consistency: this spell gets its name from Flarelord "ヴラバザード", one of the four "gods" of the Slayers world. I am not sure if this is the first time the name is mentioned (though I am pretty sure it'll be brought up in the next novel).
[55%]: "(...) followed by a sweep of his now-free sword to destroy the ball of light Milgazia had fired." Milgazia used Zelas Phalanx here, which looks like a powered-up version of Lina's Zelas Brid. It does not create a single ball of light, but multiple ribbons of light that move similarly to Lina's spell.
[69%]: "The Zenafa's wearer, sealed off from the astral plane, couldn't be affected by magical attacks without contact (...)" What does "without contact" mean here? I don't think I understand.

Terabyte

Volume 13 - Part 4:

[62%] but his taunt stopped short.... for it was only the ► It should be 3 periods. Also, remove the space.
[96%] Au: Don’t call him middle management, the poor guy. ► It should be manager?