The Greatest Magicmaster's Retirement Plan - Corrections Topic

lovelight

This is the dedicated topic for posting suggested corrections for The Greatest Magicmaster's Retirement Plan.

Currently in prepublication: Volume 11!

Terabyte

Volume 8 - Part 1:

[96%] secretly flashed Alus a vee sign with a massive ► I usually see it written as V sign?
[100%] End Part 1 ► I guess this was left at the end of the part by mistake. 😋

Jan Suzukawa

@Terabyte I think I've seen it both ways, but yes, it's more often the "V," so I've made the change.

I also deleted the "End Part 1," lol. Thanks!

Terabyte

Volume 8 - Part 2:

[64%] Forty Fourth Chapter ► It should be Forty-Fourth (hyphen).

Jan Suzukawa

@Terabyte You are correct! I've made the change, thanks.

Terabyte

Volume 8 - Part 3:

[5%] the reason people were permitted in bring in AWRs. ► It should be to bring in?

Jan Suzukawa

@Terabyte Wow, sharp eyes. I just corrected it. Good catch!

Terabyte

Volume 8 - Part 4:

[87%] There’s been a lot of changes this year, so the explanation’s probably covering that too. ► It should be those (the changes)?

Jan Suzukawa

@Terabyte It could probably go either way ("a lot of changes" - singular, "changes" - plural), but I've made the change as suggested.

Just FYI, I tend to make allowances for casual speech, especially for teenage characters. That's why I left the beginning of this sentence as "There's been a lot..." instead of "There have been a lot..." It's the way most younger characters would talk and I think it helps to distinguish younger from older characters. For example, I wouldn't have Berwick speak this way. I'd have him say "There have been a lot..." since he's an older character. ;-)

Terabyte

Volume 8 - Part 7:

[88%] told her that if she caused a commotion here that the answers ► Remove the second that?

Jan Suzukawa

@Terabyte I've removed the second 'that,' and put a comma after 'here' so it flows a bit better. Thanks for the note!

endoftheline

V8P9

~76%

... in a group spoke up. “This is inhuman.”
Meanwhile, Delca Base, who’d been sent out in Felinella’s place to deliver Alus’ message...

There's a scene transition between these two paragraphs, but none of the usual scene separators. Intentional?

Jan Suzukawa

@endoftheline The English translation had no hard section break there (i.e., the ***), and I just checked the Japanese text as well, and it doesn't either. I think it's just one of those instances where the action shifts somewhat abruptly to another character's point of view. (This author shifts character POV frequently, even within the same scene.)

In a very few instances in the past, I've put in a hard section break where it really seemed to need it, even though it wasn't in the translation. But that's been rare. Thanks for the note!

Hephaestus13

Volume 08 - Part 7:

[58%] If not for the training grounds changing damage into physical exhaustion, she would have large holes in her body. ► Shouldn't this be mental exhaustion? or mental damage. Also consider if adding two is appropriate
1. 'If not for the training grounds changing damage into mental exhaustion, she would have two large holes in her body.'

Jan Suzukawa

@Hephaestus13 That was a great catch as to "physical" versus "mental" exhaustion - I didn't notice that the first time around. I've made the change - thanks. Since the two torrents of water could have caused more than two wounds in Tesfia if it had reached her, I think it's safer to leave it simply as "large holes" without specifying a number. Thanks for the note!

Terabyte

Volume 8 - Part 12:

[89%] a third’s existence. And now knowing its affiliation ► Should this be not? Or did Alus understand who they are thanks to Elise's riddle? I guess it can go both ways...
[95%] Afterword ► The usual title format is missing.

Jan Suzukawa

@Terabyte I just checked the translation, and it is "not" - not "now," so good catch. :-) I made the correction.

I also tried to fix the heading format for "Afterword" - hopefully I didn't make it worse. Thanks for your note!

Iseguy

Volume 9, Part 1

they would move to purge the intruders that attacked the Institute.

“who attacked”

Part 5

she wasn’t referring to her own use of Bewitching Garden cologne

Technically compatible with the dictionary definition, but gender-inappropriate in the US. In common usage, women wear “perfume” or, generically, “fragrance”.

Jan Suzukawa

@iseguy Whether to use "that" or "who" differs depending on whether you're using Chicago Manual of Style or AP (Associated Press) style, but I don't have a problem using "who," as 'invaders' are certainly 'people,' so I've made the change.

As an American woman, I can attest to "cologne," "perfume," and "fragrance" all being used to describe what women spray on themselves. ;-) Since the translation was "cologne," I went with that.

Thanks for your notes.

Iseguy

@jan-suzukawa said in The Greatest Magicmaster's Retirement Plan - Corrections Topic:

I can attest to "cologne," "perfume," and "fragrance" all being used to describe what women spray on themselves.

There's a technical definition based on the percentage of essential oils, eau de cologne being mostly alcohol and perfume being much more fragrant, but there's a common belief in the US that “cologne” is for men and perfume for women, maybe because the lower alcohol concentration of the latter is easier on the skin and harder on the wallet. You'll definitely never find a “perfume” marketed to American men, although some popular products probably have enough fragrance to qualify for the title.