The White Cat's Revenge as Plotted from the Dragon King's Lap - Corrections Topic
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This is the dedicated topic for posting suggested corrections for The White Cat's Revenge as Plotted from the Dragon King's Lap.
Currently in prepublication: Volume 6!
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First!
White Cat Volume 4 Part 1
Ruri was set to go … via his suggestion
“per his suggestion”. She's going via the sky.
—you sure about letting your oh so precious jewel go like this?
“oh-so-precious”, because it's a compound adjective.
—Humans aren’t apt to it,
“Suited”, “accustomed”, or “amenable”, maybe? This usage of “apt” doesn't fit.
—another member… was planning something…. Though, there’s a chance
thatour soldier became embroiled in it.“Therefore,” or, even better, no conjunction at all.
—but who knew what would happen if someone had ambushed them while they were still sick.
This rhetorical question probably needs a “?” question mark.
—being the Beloved of the Nation of Beast King makes things a little, err...”
“The Nation of the Beast King”
That gets to be a mouthful after a while. Are you starting to wish you had called it “the Beast Kingdom” in volume 1?
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Volume 4 - Part 2:
- [24%] they give me much more free
reignthan the ► It should be rein. - [72%] “Unghhh,
aaaaaargh....” ► It should be 3 periods. - [83%] the supreme-level spirit of the
windsinhabiting ► It should be wind (singular)?
- [24%] they give me much more free
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65%: "The hot springs ... contributed to a large part of the ... tourism industry and became paramount to their existence." -> "...to its existence"
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"unphased" should be "unfazed" at approx 19%
"laying down" should be "lying down" at approx 40%
"Yes, I would bet." sounds off. No one talks like that. Either stick with dignified speech like "Yes, I would imagine so." or go with more relaxed like "Yeah, I bet."
You could maybe go with "Yes, I bet you would." but the "Yes" part still doesn't really fit in with the rest of it.
This is at approx 43%Instead of "apt at making them" I'd suggest "adept at making them" at approx 71%
At approx 74%, usually you would either say "golden eyes" or "gold-colored eyes".
Should be "less than a blink of an eye." at approx 75%. I'd also recommend "glancing back" over "peeking back".
At 78% "rife" usually has a negative connotation, not really associated with greenery unless you're talking about weeds. "lush" would probably be more fitting, or maybe "abounding in greenery"
At approx 92%, it should be "popped out at".
Well, thanks for the chapter. It looks like Ruri is going to have a frustrating time there.
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@Drazirach If you check the opening post, there is a separate topic if you want to post correction suggestions! Please keep this topic to discussion!
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I moved it around.
Thank you for taking the time to post.
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White Cat: Volume 4 Part 2
For the spirit religious Nation of the Beast King, Mt. Ulawoon was managed
I think it should be "spirit-religious" because it's a compound adjective, but IDK if it needs to be
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V4 Part 3:
~~5%: "As soon as she washed her face with water from thepale" —> wrong homophone, should be "pail". -
Part 3
20%: "How does the temperature fair?" -> "fare"
(or "Is the temperature fair?" depending on the original line) -
Volume 4 - Part 4:
- [6%] I doubt
any onewill make the same stupid mistake again, ► It should be anyone (nospace).
- [6%] I doubt
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Volume 4 - Part 5:
- [69%] from a nearby
house.Thesoldiers raised ► Missing space.
- [69%] from a nearby
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Volume 4 - Part 6:
- [18%]
“So, does that mean these people died and ► Thestarting double quote(alone) is initalic format. - [33%] puttin’ these suckers into the cage,
’’Joshua ► The dialogue's closing double quote is wrongly adouble singleone. - [35%] “
Aaah....” moaned one zombie. ► It should be 3 periods.
- [18%]
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Volume 4 - Part 7:
- [46%] dragonheart changes
color..And that scale ► Duplicateperiod. - [47%]
“Wait, really?!” Ruri exclaimed. The scale ► Thestarting double quote(alone) is initalic format. - [58%]
“Sure is, “Joshua explained. “I don’t know ► The dialogue's closing double quote is wrongly astartingone. Also, move the space after the quote.
- [46%] dragonheart changes
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Volume 4 Part 6
“Nyahahaha!” Ruri chortled loudly, her head violent shaking back and forth.
“violently”
Part 7
Returning and accept one requires commitment.”
Just, “Accepting one requires commitment.”
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Volume 4 - Part 8:
- [33%] “
That’ssthe last thing I want to hear out of you, Wind.” ► It should be That’s (singles).
- [33%] “
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Volume 4 Part 8
Normally, she would pummell anybody who just grabbed her out of the air into the dust in a fit of rage. — 17%
American spelling is “pummel.” Also, hard to diagram on first read. Maybe,
“Normally, anybody who just grabbed her out of the air she would pummel into the dust in a fit of rage.”
or
“Normally, anybody who just grabbed her out of the air would get pummeled into the dust in a fit of rage.”
—She must’ve had a terrible look on her face because Ewan hooked his arm hers to stop her. — 50%
Maybe “his arm through hers”?
—Act rash and who knows what’ll happen to you? — 50%
“rashly”
—Faced with the Spirit of Fire, the spirit that had invaded his castle and left dozens of soldiers in his wake, — 50%
“who”, I think. Haven't you been anthropomorphizing the supreme-level spirits so far?
—Celestine said, trying to kneel in order to prostrate herself before the Spirit of Fire. — 58%
“Kneel” and “prostrate” are incompatible. Maybe “lower” or “subordinate” would work here.
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Volume 4 - Part 9:
- [39%] to have left with
the TheChurch of God’s Light ► Duplicatethe. - [87%]
Agah, agaaah!” ► The dialogue's starting double quote is missing.
- [39%] to have left with
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Volume 4 Part 9
However, Rin’s answer kicked those doubts straight to the curve.
“curb.” (“Kerb” in much of the commonwealth.)
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Volume 4 Part 10
Once the dreadful game of zombie tag was over, Ruri reconveined with Ewan, who had remained near the entrance of the cave.
“reconvened”, although “reunited” is better if you're writing about a conversation and not a symposium.
