Lazy Dungeon Master - Corrections Topic

CosmicSpear

Volume 16, Part 3:

31%: "Anywaaay, since the Succubi owe us they said they would be willing to provide saliva whenever we need iiit, so you can go ahead and have thiiis," - "so" should be removed.

Robert Rodriguez

This post is deleted!

Terabyte

Volume 16 - Part 3:

[Generic] The word Sightseeing is written 4 times as Sight-seeing (remove hyphen).
[56%] and found that Narikin were in a room made ► It should be was.
[63%] “No, I caaan’t,” ► It should be a period.
[92%] ► Should this dialogue be split into 2 after the question mark? The first part being Keima asking and the second part Toi answering.

“What’s the difference between them? Class-Two citizens can sue Class-One citizens, which makes them more convenient in general.”

[92%] the difference between commons and nobles, ► It should be commoners ?

kittytama

All the corrections thus far are now applied! :)

kittytama

Just as a heads up, I've already fixed the misspelling of Alca's name! If you see anything else in need of correcting, just let me know.

CosmicSpear

Volume 16, Part 4:

61%: "His human body was capable of getting dunk." - Should be "drunk".

kittytama

@cosmicspear Fixed!

Terabyte

Volume 16 - Part 4:

[Generic] The name Michiru is written 2 times as Michuru (double u).
[0%] We left the Holy King’s Pashiri and returned ► It should be Holy Kingdom’s?
[19%] too hard to make an accessory out of it . ► Remove extra space.
[22%] she slid them into her seathes. A loli rejoicing ► It should be sheaths.
[32%] bags as a sample. One silver will do, yes?’ ► The dialogue's closing double quote is a single one.
[67%] Narikin was Living Armor, but for the sake of ► It should be was a.
[74%] That was like one of those who had tried to ► It should be likely.
[92%] “Ohoho. I am Lady Kuro’s fiancee, you know.” ► It should be fiancée (accent) for consistency.
[98%] Maidore went red. It was... easy for Kemia’s group ► A couple of issues:
1. It should be Maiodore.
2. It should be Keima’s.

morbelek

Volume 16 - Part 4:
[35%] Please consider Sanshita as a location for a villa ► The city they are located seems to be called Underling everywhere else. Should this be Underling or was Sentaku actually suggesting they build a villa at a different location then Underling?

[75%] Participating in the tea part along side Soto was Niku, Miaodore, Michiru's child gang, and Cid, the town chief of Dragg ► Niku, Miaodore, and Michiru are usually referenced as the children of Goren or even "The Great Michiru and Her Band of Buddies". There doesn't seem to be extra people at the party except for Soto, Niku, Miaodore, Michiru, and Cid. Would it be Participating in the tea part along side Soto was Niku, Miaodore, Michiru, (the child gang, the children of Goren, or The Lolis of Goren [Volume 8-Extra Episode]), and Cid the town chief of Dragg.

kittytama

@terabyte Thank you, fixed these too!

kittytama

@morbelek You're absolutely right about it being Underling, thank you! Good catch. Also, another good catch with your second point. I've reworked the wording slightly.

CosmicSpear

Volume 16, Part 5:

86%: Thinking back, Dragg's artificial dungeons produced ore in the form of Golems," - Should be "dungeon".

Robert Rodriguez

Volume 16, Part 5

33% " That guard sure had white armor. I thought the cloth armor had to be white," - white sould say black.

Terabyte

Volume 16 - Part 5:

[3%] information just came to us on our own,” Rokufa agreed. ► It should be its own?
[16%] this cloth is another speciality product, which hardens ► It should be specialty (US spelling).
[42%] chatted, all smiles. Rokuko had used some pretty dirty ► It should be Rokufa-ko for consistency?
[42%] In any case, at Rokuko’s strong suggestion, we headed ► It should be Rokufa-ko’s for consistency?
[60%] reaaally have turned into a tourist spot,” Rokuko mused. ► It should be Rokufa-ko for consistency?
[61%] to begin with. He was Living Armor, after all. Rokufa-ko, ► It should be was a.
[67%] “Look, look! Don’t I look cool?! Rokufa-ko asked, ► The dialogue's closing double quote is missing.
[69%] just turn into a big box. I’m learning a lot,” Rokuko said. ► It should be Rokufa-ko for consistency?
[77%] not like that. May we be blessed with children,’ is a ► The starting single quote is missing. (Or remove the extra closing single quote.)

Iseguy

16.5

arrived at a white room. The water flowing from a statue of a tiger’s head.

“flowed” (or put a comma after “white room.”)

CosmicSpear

Volume 16, Part 6:

63%: "These intruder detects make our job easier," - Should be "detectors".

Terabyte

Volume 16 - Part 6:

[24%] “I wanna kiss on my forehead!” ► Maybe a kiss?
[33%] I think it’s ‘cause Santaku was part of the reform ► It should be ’cause (different ’ ).
[64%] I shook my head, to indicate people were inside. ► It should be nodded the snake’s head since he's confirming there are people? Also, for consistency, it's the snake's head he moves.
[65%] Hugo disappeared his aura and carefully held out ► It should be concealed / hid?
[66%] I shook the snake’s head. We had come all this ► It should be nodded (with)?
[74%] These intruder detects make our job easier, but ► It should be detectors.

SomeOldGuy

@terabyte wanna can be interpreted as want to or want a

pcj

@terabyte said in Lazy Dungeon Master - Corrections Topic:

[66%] I shook the snake’s head. We had come all this ► It should be nodded (with)?

To terabyte's point, here, even if the original JP actually translates to shook, it may need to be nodded instead because of differences in the way Japanese and English handle confirmation of prior statements. Japanese tends to reply with the state of the thing being asked about, where English tends to reply with a confirmation or not of the statement that was made. "Nobody's there?" JP: "no" (there's no people there). EN: "yep" (you are correct that no one is there) (I'm not sure if that's the best example because I sort of feel like an English speaker would have said No there, too, for this one, but you get the idea)

CosmicSpear

Volume 16, Part 7:

35%: "and although she tempted him with excellent offers so that he would return to the Holy Kingdom with her, he refued all of the," - "refued" should be "refused", "the" should be "them", and the comma at the end should be a period.
47%: "Alca felt her eyes get a little wet as she imagined Keima religious casting {Purification} on his ring," - Should be "religiously".
71%: "However, potions to change one's hair to black was forbidden to all those but the royal family." - "was" should be "were", "those" can probably just be removed.
71%: "Narikin's facial features did somewhat resemble that of the royal family." - Should be "those".
82%: "Inside, Keima was sleepy soundly within a futon." - Should be "sleeping".