Jessica Bannister - Corrections Topic
This is the dedicated topic for posting suggested corrections for Jessica Bannister!
Currently in prepublication: Volume 6!
With a tag like "Very British" I assume the answer is obvious, but just to get a concrete answer - are the various Briticisms (storey, colour, Mr/Mrs with no dot, etc.) intentional rather than needing to be 'corrected' to Americanisms?
In terms of actual errors:
Part 1, 54%: ". . . I said good night to Aunt Bell and retired to my
'occult-free zone." -> There is a single end quote missing at the end of the phrase.
@masterlillyclaw They're 100% intentional. IMO, using US English in a UK-based story breaks the immersion and atmosphere, so we went with British English for this and John Sinclair.
71%: "too narrow to take avoiding action" - take avoiding action sounds awkward, unless it's an explicit Britishism, maybe change it to "too narrow to swerve like this" or something therein.
Part 8 is missing at least a dozen commas.
I'm not going to list them all; it might be best to give it another editing pass.
Volume 3 part 8 appears to be the second half of a different story. We went from the party in London in part 7 to Jessica being dragged back to a robbers house in the moors in part 8.
0% - ...each to their own... - This figure of speech is usually rendered as "to each their own." Unless you're trying to show Jessica applying that particular idiom herself.
4% - ...one of London's prison. - one of London's prisons.
24% - ...manifest themselves in future. - themselves in the future*.
38% "I'll k my fingers crossed..." - "I'll keep my fingers crossed..."
47% "...that manman's secret files," - "...that madman's secret files,"
64% ...assumedStella and... - assumed Stella and...
0% "...a slipped disc of two...." - a slipped disc or two
61% I reckonJeremias - I reckon Jeremias
4% not even Richard's presence couldn change - could change
94% ...strange moaning we're hearing now?'
'It's not just the moaning...
As noted elsewhere, even if JNC's style guide requires closing quotes at the end of all paragraphs, this is grammatically incorrect as it implies that the following paragraph is a different speaker. Please adjust this in some manner.
98% "In future, I won't spend..." - "In the future...
@sniper_samurai As posted in the main thread, Part 7 is the one which was misposted. Part 8 is correct. Thanks for pointing it out, everyone.
shedloadss - drop the extra s.
I thanked him and bowed again. - and he bowed again.
it was Clear that it - lowercase C for clear.
AuntBell and I had - Space between Aunt Bell.
I betStone would - Space between bet Stone
...grabbed the antique place... - antique plate
ROYALl LONDON OBSERVER was written - extra l in royal.
Volume 5, Part 1, 56%
"...its lack of flare was ideal." -> Should probably be "flair"
Volume 6, Part 2, 88%:
"Garcon, l'addition" (asking the waiter for the bill)
That's a pun on the German word for bill which is "Rechnung". Not sure it makes much sense in English...
Another meaning of "bill" would be "beak" which would be "bec" in French, "poster"which would be "affiche" in French or "proposal" which would be "proposition"
Volume 5, Part 3:
So this is probably not an error in translation, but still something that should be fixed:
"Nadine, the older of the two, got wrapped up in the umbilical cord and was strangled to death... Because of this, Monique ended up having to be delivered by Cesarean."
So if one of the twins died before being born neither of them is really "the older of the two"...
Also a bit further down: ...his zeal for photographing ... very cost him his life."
-> Probably missing a "nearly"
Volume 6, part 10 (33%):
"He met [her] at a benefit concert,..."
I believe the German word "Benefizkonzert" would be more commonly translated as "charity concert".
If I didn't know the German word, I would probably interpret "benefit concert" as the exact opposite - a concert for profit...