Realist hero - Proofreading?


  • Premium Member

    It really feels like this series needs better proofreading.

    I am not sure if its the general library or not, however there is far to much use of the comma (,) in places it might do best without.

    Example?

    Vol 2, chapter 3.

    "In this room where the two-meter diameter jewel used in the Jewel Voice Broadcast floated, there was equipment for receiving a Jewel Broadcast, as well."

    The use of ", as well" makes it feel, and read as if another thought was to be presented.

    "In this room where the two-meter diameter jewel used in the Jewel Voice Broadcast floated, there was equipment for receiving a Jewel Broadcast as well."

    or

    "In this room where the two-meter diameter jewel used in the Jewel Voice Broadcast floated, there was also equipment for receiving a Jewel Broadcast."

    This happens in MULTIPLE places throughout volume 1, as well as in Volume 2.

    "The system in this room, however, projected the image on a piece of equipment that was like a thin, wide tank filled with water."

    would better read IMO.

    "The system in this room however, projected the image on a piece of equipment that was like a thin wide tank filled with water."


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