New WebNovel
-
I’m a new author and I’ve just started working on my first story. I’d really love some feedback on the synopsis to see if it sounds interesting!
-"The Weight of What If"
"What if every choice you never made haunted you?"Ardyn Veythar is cursed with the ultimate power—the ability to see every "what if."
What if he had stayed to fight instead of running?
What if he had shown mercy instead of becoming a tyrant?
What if he had died a hero instead of living long enough to forget his own name?
The Paradox Sovereign grants him mastery over fractured time—but at a terrible cost. Every unlived life, every abandoned future, claws at his mind like a starving beast. The world bends unnaturally around him; people’s memories shift when he speaks, his very presence unraveling the seams of reality.
Now, as the last remnants of a dying world crumble—the angel-sustained paradise, the god-corpses buried beneath the ice, the obelisks holding back the void—Ardyn faces the cruelest truth of all:
Infinite possibilities, and none of them bring her back.
Can a man who has lived a thousand lives ever find one where he isn’t alone? Or is peace the one path even the Paradox Sovereign cannot reach?
-
@Sleepyfoxy said in New WebNovel:
I’m a new author and I’ve just started working on my first story. I’d really love some feedback on the synopsis to see if it sounds interesting!
-"The Weight of What If"
"What if every choice you never made haunted you?"Ardyn Veythar is cursed with the ultimate power—the ability to see every "what if."
What if he had stayed to fight instead of running?
What if he had shown mercy instead of becoming a tyrant?
What if he had died a hero instead of living long enough to forget his own name?
The Paradox Sovereign grants him mastery over fractured time—but at a terrible cost. Every unlived life, every abandoned future, claws at his mind like a starving beast. The world bends unnaturally around him; people’s memories shift when he speaks, his very presence unraveling the seams of reality.
Now, as the last remnants of a dying world crumble—the angel-sustained paradise, the god-corpses buried beneath the ice, the obelisks holding back the void—Ardyn faces the cruelest truth of all:
Infinite possibilities, and none of them bring her back.
Can a man who has lived a thousand lives ever find one where he isn’t alone? Or is peace the one path even the Paradox Sovereign cannot reach?
From my personal point of view: not interesting.
The power is on the one hand too strong, on the other too unrealistic. With people "understanding" more and more the "results" of having infinite possibilities it becomes more and more clear that you cannot make a good story about it. Best examples you can take from Rick & Morty which works great because of the non-canonical-stuff plus the fact how the canon stuff is strongly limited.
You can basically continously switch premises without worries and it either turns out weird and funny or just meaningless - and the show is pointing that in great ways.
A hero with that premises therefore will have very similar issues in story presentation and exploration. The best you can do is taking inspiration from the game The Alters. And even there you can tell how it can work and no work.
Such a "protagonist" you thinking of will never make the cut to be a protagonist and end up more likely like Caspar at the End of Time for obvious reasons.
This is the feedback upon your synopsis. Feedback regarding authorwise I would recommend to review the vision you have, what story you actually want to tell. The synopsis is a paradox itself, which is a niche gimmick not many will appreciate.
Overall it is lacking vision to a proper endgame and rather gets shot off right away. From a light novel perspective the core sounds like you want to get something close to The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen: From Villainess to Savior yet not the same. But without an interesting hook, you end up like Caspar.
