Part 8
I narrowed my eyes and kept watching him suspiciously, but before I knew it, Fritz was guiding Benno and Mark into my chambers.
疑いの目でフランを見ているうちに、門で待機していたフリッツがベンノとマルクを連れてきた
Missing one minor fact. " ... but before I knew it, Fritz - who was standing by at the gate - was guiding Benno..."
I hear he’s already put it on the Verde Workshop’s well and has made all sorts of revisions.
すでにザックのヴェルデ工房が使う井戸に設置して、何度か改良されていると聞いたぞ
This is what I call Quof inflation. "all sorts of" should be "a few/some" at the most.
Recently, Sylvester’s other sister was married into Frenbeltag in the west, and Florencia hails from Frenbeltag herself; Both members of Ehrenfest's archducal couple are thus being significantly influenced by their elder siblings that rule Frenbeltag. You are aware of this, I believe.
近年のエーレンフェストではジルヴェスターのもう一人の姉が嫁ぎ、第一夫人であるフロレンツィアの実家がある西のフレーベルタークの影響が大きくなった。
Marriage happened sometime in the past which is not explicitly stated here when. "Recently" should tag on "being significantly influenced".
And one day, the same thing will happen to me. But I’ll have the right to be mad—to cry about it...”
……いずれ、わたしもそうなるんだなって思ったら、わたしにだって怒って泣く権利くらい……
Maybe it is close enough, but in original, the last "mad" is toward the situation of Ferdinand, and not future Rozemyne.
It is "thinking that I'll be in the same situation in the future, I have the right (now) to be mad and cry out about it (the horrible situation you (Ferdinand) went through). "
So, maybe all it takes is to simply change the tense of "But I'll have the right..." to "But I have the right..."