My last post got too long, so I'm starting another.
P4V4, The Feast Celebrating Spring: '“Given that this is the spring feast, I believe this green one is much more preferable,” Brunhilde replied."
the much more is redundant because 'preferable' already means more
P4V4, The Feast Celebrating Spring: '“And I had mine made two years ago when Uncle told me to help with the Harvest Festival. I couldn’t use your clothes, since they’re all covered in embroidery,” Wilfried explained."
floral embroidery which is feminine. I believe most noble clothes are embroidered to some degree
P4V4, Meeting the Scholars: "I moved to the main castle building in Lessy, and after entering the room where the meeting was due to take place, I discovered that Elvira had already arrived. She wasn’t wearing one of her usual gaudy outfits; instead, she was dressed in a tight scholar uniform designed for work with sleeves that barely hung."
gaudy has a negative connotation. I'd recommend elaborate
P4V4, Request for the Gilberta Company: "...This is going to be the first time her parents see her wearing formal clothes, and as I understand it, her husband’s parents will also see her during the festival. Tuuli, could you prepare a hairpin for a spring-born that would suit her?”'
I'm not sure the term season-born is used anywhere else but it sounds weird. Perhaps just "Tuuli, Ella was born in spring, can you prepare a hairpin that would suite her?"
P4V4, Disappearing Ink and Returning to the Castle: “True. I have no interest in the next archduke, and remaining in the temple is not discomforting in the least. I must say, though—the same goes for you, Ferdinand. You are always more lively when you can do your research.”
interest in being the next archduke
P4V4, Disappearing Ink and Returning to the Castle: "The blue priests could now properly assist him with his work, and since most of the work inherited from the former High Bishop had since been completed, Ferdinand could much more easily acquire free time in the temple."
this should be reworded. I don't believe since is needed twice in this sentence.
P4V4, Disappearing Ink and Returning to the Castle: “One could easily use it to modify magic contracts in secret or stealthily place attack-orientated magic circles anywhere. It is quite dangerous indeed.”
orientated is a Britishism, oriented is more appropriate for an American translation.
P4V4, Disappearing Ink and Returning to the Castle: “Predicting criticism is not always enough to maintain calm when receiving it."
maintain one's calm
P4V4, Disappearing Ink and Returning to the Castle: "Or so I thought, but apparently nobles didn’t think that orphans were capable of an education at all, even when they had access to the same resources."
capable of being educated
P4V4, The Archduke Conference Approaches: "...I also prepared important magic tools needed for the royal outfits we are preparing and even secured some reading time. They were very freeing and productive days,” I said."
They're not royal outfits, they're outfits for royal magic tools but I'm not sure how to word it so that 'magic tools' doesn't appear twice or at least doesn't sound weird being there twice.
P4V4, The Archduke Conference Approaches: "The day after we discussed Spring Prayer, I had a tea party with Florencia, Elvira, and Charlotte. As Ferdinand had instructed, I needed to report to Florencia and Elvira about our printing plans, since they were the heads of our faction."
she should be reporting about the dyeing, not printing
P4V4, The Archduke Conference Approaches: “We could save the dyeing for only the small accessories.”
I think saving something implies that it's only needed for that thing so I think only can be left out of this sentence.
P4V4, The Archduke Conference Approaches: "My highbeast is a drivable one, and I can make it so there’s enough room for the gray priests and shrine maidens with the chalices."
Spring prayer in the central district only uses the one large chalice, not the small chalices so this doesn't need to be plural.
P4V4, The Archduke Conference Approaches: "Since Spring Prayer could not be performed without the chalices, one could not get through their schedule quicker without being able to fly with the priests who carried them."
same as above. there's only the one chalice for the central district
P4V4, : “We leave at once,” Elvira declared as the person in charge of our group, spurring a flock of highbeasts to rise into the air. Wilfried was among them, riding on his own highbeast, while Charlotte was having to ride the highbeast of one of her attendants.
Elvira's letter specifically said to only bring one attendant, so I imagine this should be her attendant [singular] or one of her retainers.
P4V4, Haldenzel's Craftspeople: "We went on our way as they smoothly transitioned into discussing tomorrow’s work, returning to the noble section of the castle."
They're currently in Haldenzel. Don't they usually refer to Giebe estates as mansions, not castles?
P4V4, Haldenzel's Spring Prayer: "Wait, why is Mother going to fetch it on her own when she has attendants?"
Elvira should have only brought one attendant. Maybe when she can ask an attendant
P4V4, Haldenzel's Spring Prayer: "I used enhancement magic to enhance my eyesight and then looked where Karstedt was pointing."
strengthen, to avoid enhance twice in the sentence.
P4V4, Entwickeln: “Please do remember to inform the lower city of the exact date and time the entwickeln is due to be performed,” I said. “Once the soldiers and the Merchant’s Guild are told, they can pass this information on to the commoners. It will no doubt take some time for the news to fully circulate, though.”
I wonder if this should be the rest of the commoners because they are commoners as well.
P4V4, Entwickeln: '“That’s enough!” Charlotte shrieked, prompting us all to immediately stop offering up our mana."
I'm not sure what the original is, but I find it hard to believe that Charlotte would shriek.
P4V4, Left at Home: '“First-years such as yourselves are not yet experienced enough for these magic circles, so please handle this simpler section instead,” Brunhilde said."
Charlotte is not yet a first-year.
P4V4, Left at Home: '“Judithe, why do you admire Angelica so much?” I asked.
“She uses a manablade that was grown using mana from Lady Rozemyne, she was selected for the Royal Academy’s sword dance, she’s been taken on as Lord Bonifatius’s disciple, and she’s engaged to Lord Eckhart. It would be weird not to admire her!” Judithe exclaimed."
It's odd that Rozemyne is the one asking the question and Judithe replies not with 'you' but with 'Lady Rozemyne'. Maybe you, Lady Rozemyne
P4V4, Left at Home: "During dinner that day, I reported to Ferdinand that we had embroidered Schwartz’s and Weiss’s clothes and that all of my retainers were exceedingly hard workers."
I think this should say worked on the embroidery for because this almost makes it seem like the embroidery was completed.
P4V4, Left at Home: '“We will be gathering in the forest to help train the apprentice knights. Grandfather will oversee us and intervene if necessary. There is nothing to fear.” My response came in record time."
His response
P4V4, Left at Home: “Master, it’s here!”
This is the only sentence that suggests a singular foe while everything else is plural.
P4V4, Report on the Archduke Conference, "...next going on to describe the poor state the knights graduating from the new Royal Academy were in."
the Royal Academy isn't new. Maybe new Royal Academy curriculum.
P4V4, A More Private Meeting: "Georgine had gone on to proclaim that she wanted Wilfried to marry Detlinde instead, speaking with a sensual smile that never once faltered."
Is Georgine really making a sensual smile during a women's tea party?
P4V4, Epilogue: "Gieselfried had contacted Drewanchel, into which his first wife’s daughter had been wed, and sought an adoption with his granddaughter."
I'd suggest one of his first wife's daughters because the family tree in FB2 shows 3 daughters.
SSC1, A New Step Forward:"It contains magic tools that take the form of shumils, and we are going to be making clothes for them, correct?"
this almost seems like they can change their form. I'd recommend are shumil shaped or are shaped like shumils.
SSC1, A New Step Forward: “He complains about Rozemyne dragging him into incidents, brags about having been selected as an honor student, and expounds his thoughts on gewinnen. Regarding that last point, he seems especially overjoyed to have beaten Lord Ortwin of Drewanchel. He spoke of their game on several occasions.”
I don't remember how many games Wilfried played with Ortwin during the first year but I think they met on multiple occasions. I suggest He spoke of that game on several occasions.
SSC1, A New Step Forward: “However,” I continued, “Rozemyne seems to exert a lot more influence. She beat Dunkelfelger at ditter, spread several new trends, established personal connections to the royal family and top-ranking duchies, and paid many students of other duchies for crest-certified work..."
Rozemyne has not paid any of the students from other duchies at this point, she just commissioned the work.
SSC1, My Task: “Indeed. It would not be an exaggeration to say that my sister’s brilliance is due to his teachings. In the brief period between her waking up and going to the Royal Academy, he crammed so much wisdom into her head that she came first-in-class.”
Rozemyne had knowledge crammed into her head, not wisdom.
SSC1, My Task: “Lady Charlotte,” Elvira said, “we appreciate the magnanimity of your summons.”
I don't think it's her summons that should be considered generous but the fact that Charlotte and her retainers are coming to help Elvira & the scholars search.
SSC1, My Task: "I returned to my meal, pleased to have kept my promise—but when I glanced up again, I realized that Wilfried was glaring at me with his cheeks puffed out. “How come Rozemyne always goes to you for help, not me?” he complained. “I could have done this a lot faster if she’d asked me as well.”'
We could have done this.
SSC1, I Serve Lady Rozemyne: "Incidentally, I still didn’t know very much about Lord Justus—other than that he would apparently cross-dress to obtain information."
She definitely saw him cross dressing, so I wouldn't say apparently.
P4V5, Visiting Groschel and the Starbind Ceremony: "She apparently wanted to console her family by showing that she was serving me as a more than competent attendant."
Brunhilde's family isn't sad that she's an attendant. Maybe, She apparently wanted to assure her family that she was serving me as a more than competent attendant.
P4V5, Visiting Groschel and the Starbind Ceremony: "As land that had once been part of the Central District, Groschel was quite different from Illgner and Haldenzel, provinces where the nobles practically lived among the commoners. Here, the castle came off almost like a second Noble’s Quarter, and the inside was strictly delineated from the lower city."
Another instance of castle vs mansion in a giebe province.
P4V5, Visiting Groschel and the Starbind Ceremony: "I noticed that Damuel was glaring daggers at Hugo, having not taken too kindly to his words as one of the aforementioned “sad, single men,” but I boldly elected not to draw attention to it."
I don't think that was a bold decision, maybe wise or generous.
P4V5, My Brother Lamprecht's Wedding: "Eventually, Elvira set down her pen with a satisfied smile. “I hope that she is as sweet of a girl as you claim,” she said to Lamprecht before looking over at me. “Rozemyne, avoid contact with Lady Aurelia until her place is certain. You have more secrets that must be kept hidden than anyone in Ehrenfest and yet you speak with the least restraint."'
This makes it seem like she's saying to keep her commoner origins secret, which may be partly true, but that's not the 'public' reason, which should be not making people aware of printing, picture bibles and karuta. It just seems like a weird way to phrase the warning even in that semi-private setting. I think it should be reworded to something like You have more knowledge of things that must be kept hidden than anyone in Ehrenfest...
P4V5, My Brother Lamprecht's Wedding: "I prayed to my ring and a green light slowly floated out. My hope was that it would heal Elvira’s heart, even if only a little."
with my ring
P4V5, The Wedding on the Border: “No matter. I expect that the Ahrensbach province on the other side of this border was under the jurisdiction of Count Bindewald, whose fate you know well...."
this is a personal preference thing, but you well know is more formal even if it is archaic and I think it fits well in Bookverse.
P4V5, The Wedding on the Border: "The veil covering her face meant I couldn’t see her facial features very clearly, but her fancy clothes were certainly appropriate for the niece of an archduke."
I don't believe Rozemyne could see any aspect of Aurelia's face
P4V5, The Wedding on the Border: “Now begins the Starbind Ceremony. All brides and grooms, step forward!”
I wouldn't use all when only talking to two couples
P4V5, Pre-Meeting for the Dyeing Competition: “As they should; the compression method will dramatically impact one’s mana growth. One need only compare Lamprecht and Damuel or Angelica and Cornelius to the others in their respective generations to see that the difference is obvious.”
generation seems to broad a term to use when referring to this group. There's a max of six years between them so they should be the same generation. Maybe class or year.
P4V5, The Dyeing Competition: '“Lady Rozemyne, if you do not mind, there is someone I wish to reintroduce you to,” Elvira said. She had returned home for lunch and now had Aurelia with her."
I think with Rozemyne being of a higher status, it's more likely that Elvira should be introducing Aurelia to her, not Rozemyne to Aurelia. Elvira also proceeds to introduce Aurelia to Rozemyne and not the other way around.
P4V5, Post-Competition and the Harvest Festival: "There were leherls from the Plantin Company as well, so I wouldn’t need to worry. I simply needed to emphasize that the gray priests were not to be treated poorly or as though they were property."
I believe Rozemyne previously mentioned that they had to be treated well because they were her property.
P4V5, Post-Competition and the Harvest Festival: “Hartmut, Philine—please continue transcribing our book from Dunkelfelger.”
the book. They're just borrowing it.
P4V5, Post-Competition and the Harvest Festival: Brunhilde seemed to find my answer satisfactory; she began categorizing everyone’s hair colors and choosing which hairpins would suit them best."
listing. The hair colors don't need to be put into categories (among each other) in order to choose hairpins.
P4V5, Groschel Nobles and the Printing Industry: "I could see her amber eyes through the mirror, and the genuine confusion in her expression that made it clear she genuinely believed she was correct."
genuine twice in the sentence
P4V5, The Library Plan and Completed Outfits: "To this end, I must not only secure and transcribe more books from other duchies, but also increase the number of authors and people capable of producing scripts."
texts or manuscripts because 'scripts' seems like a play or movie
P4V5, The Start of Winter Socializing (Second Year): "The last time I had eaten some was when Lutz had fished some out for me and we had cooked it with salt. Back then, it had been too crusty to even pass as dried food, and he had rejected the idea of using it for broth."
her mother was the one who rejected using it for broth.
P4V5, Leaving for the Royal Academy: "Then, you would no doubt charge to the library, desperate for more, thereby defeating the entire point."
purpose
P4V5, Fealty and the Dormitory: "I ran over to it at once, my heart swelling with excitement. It was a stocky, ornately carved bookcase fit for decorating an archduke-owned building such as the Ehrenfest Dormitory. A closer look revealed that it had a glossy finish and was polished to a sheen. It was so glossy, in fact, that I could actually see my face in the wood."
shine
P4V5, Fealty and the Dormitory: '“In that case, I shall help Rihyarda unpack and then bring our books here,” Lieseleta said, entrusting tea to Brunhilde and quietly stepping out of the common room."
the. Maybe some of the books belong to the dormitory but it feels off for Lieseleta to call them our books.
P4V5, Fealty and the Dormitory: “Preparing for their lectures,” Brunhilde answered. “Unlike first-years, the older students have much to prepare. Now that you and Lord Wilfried have arrived, they must go gathering.”
Wilfried has not yet arrived. It should probably be something like When Lord Wilfried arrives, you both must go gathering.
P4V5, Fealty and the Dormitory: "As we talked, a second-year wearing highbeast riding gear and some warm-looking clothes came into the common hall."
common room comes up 112 times in P4 while common hall only comes up twice. The second instance is in 'Hirschur’s Visit and the Advancement Ceremony'
P4V5, Fealty and the Dormitory: '“That is Ehrenfest’s gathering point,” Leonore said from her highbeast beside mine, pointing at the glowing light."
This is the only instance I've seen of gathering point, it's usually gathering spot.
P4V5, Fealty and the Dormitory: '“Judithe, eliminate the zantze on that branch. Traugott, there are two on the right. Be careful,” Leonore said, having successfully learned to better her vision with enhancement magic."
improve or strengthen
P4V5, Hirschur's Visit and the Advancement Ceremony: "“Time to go,” Wilfried announced, opening the door and guiding the Ehrenfest students out."
It seems unlikely that Wilfried opened the door himself
P4V5, The Second-Year Fellowship Gathering: “Nobles in Ehrenfest debut during winter society, but royals are officially debuted during the spring Archduke Conference. I expect that he has not had a formal debut yet.”
winter socializing
P4V5, The Second-Year Fellowship Gathering: “For Lady Eglantine to have not reintroduced you to him despite your friendly relationship, it may be the case that she did not interact with him either. It is not unusual for the child of a second wife to rarely socialize.”
It's not that they rarely socialize, just that they rarely socialize with the children of the first wife because they're considered to be different families.
P4V5, Epilogue: "People wearing black clothes and red capes entered the room. It was Klassenberg’s archduke candidate and his attendants."
retainers
P4V5, Epilogue: "Everyone in the Small Hall—students and teachers alike—had worn black, which had made him feel exceptionally ostracized."
being ostracized seems like a more active thing, I think he just feels out of place.
P4V5, Reaching a Crossroads: "I had met Lord Lamprecht while Lady Veronica still maintained power in Ehrenfest; he had been instructed to marry a woman from Ahrensbach, as the guard knight of the next archduke."
a guard knight
P4V5, Reaching a Crossroads: "It was an exceedingly commonplace story told to me by my wet nurse, but Lady Rozemyne had listened with sparkling eyes, and the air in the room had softened before I realized."
P4V5, Reaching a Crossroads: "After hurriedly rejecting the idea, I explained that I was almost identical in appearance to Lady Gabriele, and that I wished to continue wearing my veil to avoid the disdain of the Leisegangs’ old men."
elders
P4V5, The Road to Exclusive Business: “If you think I’m going to let you win just because of that, you’ve got another thing coming. None of us here are working for fun, you know..."
depending on what was decided with this expression in P3, it may be corrected here. Although it is from a commoner's perspective so maybe it should be 'wrong.'
P4V6, Library Committee Member Get!: '“Aside from my abrupt collapse at the tea party, I can’t think of anything that you might feel the need to apologize for,” I replied, unsure what she was referring to."
I think two ideas got merged here. Rozemyne is thinking that she should be apologizing for collapsing and that Hannelore shouldn't have anything to apologize for. This gives the impression that Hannelore might want to apologize for Rozemyne collapsing.
P4V6, Registering for the Library and Supplying Mana: "Cornelius let out another heavy sigh, shook his head, and then looked at me with careful eyes. “No, I will accompany you,” he said. “I’ve been told not to let you out of my sight when possible.”'
whenever possible
P4V6, Everyone Passing on the First Day: "Students across all years and courses were being brought up to shape."
I think this ended up a mix of sayings. 'brought up to snuff' and 'whipped into shape.'
P4V6, Everyone Passing on the First Day: '“To quote: ‘If you finish your written lessons today, I imagine you will have time in the morning before returning to Ehrenfest for the Dedication Ritual."
mornings
P4V6, Dedication Whirling and Ordonnanz Brewing: "As I made my way to the dining hall for breakfast, I saw some of the first-years coming out of their rooms with their Divine Wills absorbed."
having already absorbed their Divine Wills.
P4V6, Dedication Whirling and Ordonnanz Brewing: “I am not your disciple... so I will serve as your assistant only during class.”
during todays class
P4V6, Professor Hirschur's Laboratory: “Ferdinand was a genius when it came to ideas, inventions. Meanwhile, Raimund is only a third-year, but he is a genius when it comes to modifications. If you wish to make improvements to your magic tools, Lady Rozemyne, I believe conversing with him will be most productive.”
ideas and inventions or ideas for inventions
P4V6, Professor Hirschur's Disciple: '“You are closer to the library’s and my magic tools than anyone, and you know much about trends and technologies that need to remain concealed at all costs,” Ferdinand said. “Your lack of secrecy is deeply problematic, and if you cannot protect knowledge that must remain unknown, I will have you returned to Ehrenfest at once...."
I think this should be replace with something else. He's trying to say that it's her lack of discretion on what information needs to be held back that isn't up to par.
P4V6, Hunting a Ternisbefallen: "I heard the beast champ its teeth. It must have missed us because its front legs suddenly flipped back, and a beat later, it let out a loud yelp."
champ (to me) is more of a repeated motion, like a horse on a bit. I think snap fits better even though it was just used as the previous sentence.
P4V6, Hunting a Ternisbefallen: "Unsure of the reason for their pacifism, he had decided to save the other knights by killing the ternisbefallen in one mighty blow."
I don't believe Traugott was unsure, I believe he completely failed to perceive what they were doing. Unaware would fit better.
P4V6, Healing and Reinforcements: "May you fill the world with your royal color to mine own heart’s content."
This prayer in P2V2 has already been changed to divine color.
P4V6, A Tea Party of Bookworms: '“There certainly is a gazebo where the Goddess of Time plays her tricks. It may be some time before this applies to the three of you, but you will want to visit the gazebo with the boy or girl you are romantically interested in. It exists such that archduke candidates can speak in privacy, since retainers are not allowed under it...."
I don't believe it exists specifically for archduke candidates. I think it should be more like "it exists as a place to speak with the opposite sex in relative privacy. Since archduke candidates usually bring their retainers wherever they go, the gazebo is a place where you can talk to someone without being disturbed." I just think a couple ideas got a little jumbled in the editing process.
P4V6, Going Home: “Really?!” Raimund exclaimed, positively delighted.
“I would not sound so pleased—that was not meant positively.”
maybe the first 'positively' should be absolutely or truely
P4V6, Unshakeable Resolve: "Following Lord Hartmut’s instruction, I gathered the apprentice knights of the former Veronica faction who were looking for a means to speak with Lady Rozemyne’s retainers and deliver a letter to the archduke by the end of summer."
had been looking
P4V7, Prologue: Hannelore looked around and saw that Rozemyne’s remaining attendants were cleaning up the tea party alongside Solange’s attendants.
I believe professors would only be allowed one attendant.
P4V7, Post-Return Discussion: "It seemed that the spells used by knights were in fact prayers that were being slowly shaved down over time. There wasn’t much room for them to be modified, unlike a full-on prayer, but the speed and lack of room for error was most important."
I'm not sure if this is still an active process seeing as they didn't realize that prayers and spells were different but it seems like it should be had been slowly shaved down over time.
P4V7, Post-Return Discussion: “It didn’t suffice at all,” I replied. “I needed to chug rejuvenation potions while I was restoring the earth, but it felt like my mana was being sucked out as soon as it recovered. It was really rough.”
I believe she only drank one. She might be inclined to stretch the truth during the inquiry, but she has no reason to with her guardians.
P4V7, Dinner and a Tea Party: "Wow. I had been wondering why I was getting shouted at so less often this year, and now I had my answer—as it turned out, Florencia had scolded Sylvester when he was preparing to lecture me into the ground."
so much less
P4V7, Dinner and a Tea Party: “Do calm down. Her pregnancy was only recently discovered. We do not yet know whether the birth will come to full term."
pregnancy will come to full term or Her pregnancy was only recently discovered and we do not yet know whether she will be able to carry to full term.
P4V7, Sylvester's Order: "Charlotte had received an invitation to a tea party with Drewanchel, during which they were going to discuss the first prince, Sigiswald, wanting to give Adolphine a hairpin at her graduation ceremony."
for her graduation
P4V7, Investigating the Bible: "Given that no archnoble librarians were being sent to the work in the Royal Academy’s library, I could imagine the mednoble librarians in the royal library were having a hard time themselves."
remove the
P4V7, Planning for the Tea Party: '“Wear this when attending tea parties,” he said, “and take your leave when these feystones are half dyed...." & "As I made a victory pose on the inside, Rihyarda lightly rested a hand on my shoulder. I gazed down at my necklace and saw that the feystone Ferdinand had indicated was half dyed, meaning it was time for me to leave."
I think they're supposed to be keeping track of how many of the feystones are dyed not the amount each individual one is dyed. half of these feystones are dyed
P4V7, Roderick's Name-Swearing: "We had been forced to ask him how he wished to receive the armband, and it seemed that our retainers would now be managing the trade."
they won't be getting anything in return so I wouldn't call it a 'trade'
P4V8, Melchior's Baptism: "Winter baptisms were done alongside the debuts, but children who were to be baptized in any other season would normally have a priest come to their home and carry out a private ceremony instead. Those born in spring had to walk through the grand hall alone for their baptisms."
This only applies to archduke candidates born in spring. I think it should say Wilfried said that he had to walk through...
P4V8, Melchior's Baptism: "But it was no use crying over spilled milk. My blessing couldn’t be taken back, so I took it in my stride."
The American expression is to take something 'in stride' while the British would be 'in my stride.'
P4V8, Giebe Leisegang: "Leisegang had already been the setting for many failed ambushes in the past, but I wasn’t worried about another attempt—the Knight’s Order was accompanying my guard knights, and during Spring Prayer, everyone was busy preparing the fields to help increase the harvest." & "We had visited Leisegang many times before, but the only thing I remembered clearly was the side building used for temple visitors."
Although any ambushes are too many, I don't think the number is enough to warrant the word. Maybe several.
P4V8, Visiting Great-Grandfather: "He was still staring into space, his eyes nonmoving... but for the slightest moment, I was sure that he was weeping."
I think unmoving is better here because nonmoving feels like something is incapable of motion.
P4V8, Decisions: “You are correct,” Ferdinand said. “The purge forced Ahrensbach to reduce two of its archducal sons to archnobles, so the king formed a plan to save the duchy: Aub Drewanchel’s daughter will be adopted into Ahrensbach, then she will marry Prince Hildebrand once he comes of age.”
I know they're specifically talking about Hildebrand here but he and Letizia are the same age and they can't get married unless both are of age so I'd suggest to replace he with they.
P4V8, Hartmut's First Ceremony and Another Jureve: "One would prepare their own ceremonial robes under normal circumstances, but Hartmut naturally didn’t have the time, so we were lending him some from the many that the temple had in stock."
Because the temple isn't a store I don't think it should be that they have them 'in stock,' in storage would be more appropriate.
P4V8, Epilogue: "This made her even more pleased—the Ehrenfest hairpin she had wanted would soon be hers. She wished to stand in front of Adolphine, who had shamed her in the Royal Academy last year, and show her the ultimate hairpin she had designed herself. It was a shame that the young woman had since graduated."
This whole section on the hairpin is kindof weird. We find out early on in P4V9 that Detlinde ordered several hairpins but this whole chapter refers to a single hairpin. I wonder if this is just weirdness in translating plurality. But perhaps the chapter revealing the multiple hairpins would have less impact if this chapter didn't refer to a singular one.
P4V9, The Harvest Festival and a Meeting: "Next, I addressed the Gilberta Company. “Do you have with you the hairpin that we intend to give Lady Detlinde at the Royal Academy?”
“It is here,” Otto replied, then turned to Brunhilde and said, “What are your thoughts?” It was only natural that he would seek her approval, as she had actually overseen the hairpin discussion while I read in the book room. She opened the box and quietly analyzed the hairpin inside."
It makes sense for Rozemyne to think there's a single hairpin but Otto knows otherwise.
P4V9, The Harvest Festival and a Meeting: "Assuming that Detlinde did end up wearing this hairpin, it was very likely that the royal family would have something to say to Ahrensbach—and also to Ehrenfest for having made it to begin with."
a hairpin like that
P4V9, The Harvest Festival and a Meeting: “Yes. The foreign merchants have now all returned to their own duchies.”
I think foreign is usually used to refer to those from Lanzenave, or people from outside the country, not the duchy. The merchants from other duchies have returned to their respective duchies or The merchants from other duchies have left Ehrenfest.
