@daedalron said in [CORRECTIONS] - Bookworm Part 5 Vol 10:
@15Redstones said in [CORRECTIONS] - Bookworm Part 5 Vol 10:
Yet another goddess of life?
That has to be a running gag at this point...
I'd like to think so; give us loveable nerds fans something to chuckle about.
Hello! A new day, more suggestions, all excitement! This post contains proposed suggestions and/or potential corrections for P5V10: Part 6. Please accept these recommendations with the enthusiasm for the series that they are intended; also, please excuse my lack of quality assurance since I did not check for repeat suggestions.
P5V10: Part 6
Immanuel -- The Returned Branch Royal
Might I suggest: The Return of a Branch Royal
0% as written: ...then turned into a magic letter that fell right in front of me.
Suggest: ...then turned into a magic letter that fell right in front of before me.
Comment: He seems arrogant enough to think this pompously.
1% as written: "Brother Immanuel, there is no name assigned to this letter, so I cannot tell who sent it."
Suggest: "Brother Immanuel, there is no name assigned attached to this letter, so thus I cannot tell determine who sent it."
Comment: Attributed would also work rather well in lieu of attached. It just seems like a stretch to use a sub-definition of a secondary definition of assigned here.
1% as written: I took the letter from Curtiss.
Comment: Would Immanuel be the type to snatch the letter? Or is he purposefully being cautious...?
1% as written: This letter had come from Lord Raublut, of all people.
Suggest: This letter had come from none other than Lord Raublut. , of all people.
Comment: The tone I hear with "of all people" is more incredulous and annoyed. But, it seems that maybe he is stressing the importance of it being from Lord Raublut.
3% as written: Lord Raublut ultimately deemed the former High Bishop an obstable to be eliminated; his general disinterest in reviving the ancient rituals had made him uncooperative when it came to enabling the return of a Zent candidate.
Comment: Just a pronoun foul... it was difficult at first read to determine if we were talking about Lord Raublut or Relichion.
Suggest for clarity: "Lord Raublut ultimately deemed the former High Bishop an obstable to be eliminated; his Relichion's general disinterest in reviving the ancient rituals had made him uncooperative when it came to enabling the return of a Zent candidate.
3% as written: ... he had denied anyone capable of obtaining the Grutrissheit, so Lord Raublut had used poison to silence him for good.
Suggest for clarity: .. he had denied that anyone was capable of obtaining the Grutrissheit, so Lord Raublut had used poison to silence him for good.
Alternate: .. he had denied the return of anyone capable of obtaining the Grutrissheit, so Lord Raublut had used poison to silence him for good.
Alternate: .. he had denied anyone capable of obtaining the Grutrissheit to exist, so Lord Raublut had used poison to silence him for good.
6% as written: I would need to wait at least a year, much to my disdain.
Suggest: I would need to wait at least a year, much to my disdain consternation.
Alternate: dismay, vexation, agitation.
Side Note: Ew ew ew ew! Immanuel is so creepy!! Excellent job conveying that.
Anastasius -- The Royal Family's Position
47% as written: "Haland," I said, "are the teleportation door and the gates okay?"
Suggest: "Haland," I said, "are the teleportation door and the gates okay secure?"
Alternate: fortified
49% as written: "... before the fighting in the royal palace stops..."
Suggest: "... before the fighting concludes in the royal palace stops..."
52% as written: "No. I will aid them if they ask me to. Otherwise..."
Suggest: "No. I will aid them if they ask me to only at their request. Otherwise..."
54% as written: "...and seriously consider giving the palace our aid..."
Suggest: "...and seriously consider reconsider giving the palace our aid unprompted..."
Alternate: "...and seriously consider reconsider giving volunteering our aid to the palace our aid..."
55% as written: If anyone, Sigiswald would be next in the firing line, as he was the heir apparent.
Suggest: If anyone, Sigiswald would be next in the firing line, as he was the heir apparent Heir Apparent.
61% as written: There wasn't a single highbeast in sight, which made it harder to gauge how many knights were doing battle and which ones were against us.
Suggest for clarity: There wasn't a single highbeast in sight, which made it harder to gauge how many knights were doing battle and also which ones knights were against us.
Thanks for taking the time to look over these suggestions.