@Khazidhea said in To Another World... with Land Mines! - Corrections Topic:
"Diola-san rattled on excitedly for a while before we could greet her. This prompted Haruka to hastily lift her hands and push back Diola-san in an attempt to calm her down."
If “hastily” means “impatiently”, “assertively”, “decisively”, or “brashly,” or if the Japanese audience would get that impression from the description of her motions, then it should be replaced with “impatiently”, “assertively”, “decisively”, or “brashly.”
If “hastily” just means “suddenly” or “quickly,” it should be deleted. Time words are rarely necessary in English, and as was mentioned, it conflicts with the described action.
Good catch, @Khazidhea.
PS: This reminded me of something that's more about writing and editing than proofreading, but still pertinent here.
Words like “suddenly”, “quickly” and their synonyms are highly discouraged by style guides for being pointless. No writing rules are absolute, but this red flag often indicates that the author needs to better describe the action.
Answering, “What does it mean? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How does it affect you?” is always more impactful than just “suddenly.”
Like here, what does “hastily” say about why Haruka is doing this? What is she feeling? How should Diola take it? How should everyone else take it? It says nothing about the story. A functionally meaningless word.
