v7p4 ~12%:

I mean, he'd been stripped of his rank in the first place because he'd tried to ignore the divinity seize power.

The ending of that sentence is off, in its current form it should be something like the divinity's seizure of power or the divinity seizing power, right?

V6 P5
(0% - 2nd line up from bottom of the page)

alt text

I believe the wording in the outlined area should be:
"magic bag"
As in:

Ciel immediately reached into her magic bag...

(62% - 7th line down from top of page)

alt text

Correct "the" in outlined wording to "them"and remove comma...
As in:

...the priest said, leading them down the mountain path.

V6 P9 (93% - Last line on the page)

alt text

This would sound better as:

"You were absent from lunch..."
-or-
"You have been absent from lunch..."

(I personally think "were absent" is the best choice)

v3p10 ~29%

[...] her eventual move to Magnolia Thus, I'd steeled [...]

There should probably be a period (.) between Magnolia and Thus

V2P10 ~85%

[...] to a dungeon together and clear it together!"

is bad to read.

~88%

Has a character encoding error in

[...], and it'll be just the two of us

~92%

[...] A lot's happened

Would be much better as A lot has happened.

V10P9
~59%

Hihi'irokano

It's usually Hihiirokane, without the ' - see e.g. Hell Mode.

V10P10
~29%

"Now she tell me..."

"Now she tells me" or "Now *you tell me"

~33%

hihi'irokane

see above

~89%

[...] Ring of Power (1) and a Ring of Power (4) and get a STR bonus of +6

Is that really how it works? I'd kinda expect 5.

~96%

Is this frl?

Normally, it's just abbreviated "fr", not frl.

V17 P5 75%
Gon, who was guzzling beer out of a bour that I'd filled for him.
bour=bowl
I looked up bour and all i could find was a scottish term for a cottage which i find funny, Gon would have to be full size to drink that much beer.

V1 P1
19%
“Full marks? You’re joking. Not even a noble could pull that off.”
The exam was scored out of a hundred, with the average hovering around sixty. It was decidedly not the sort of test anyone aced. And yet a commoner girl had done just that. A perfect score. The first in the kingdom’s history. The whispers only grew.
32%
"Heard you scored full marks on the exam. It’s been a decade since anyone’s managed that. And...forever since a commoner did it."

Those two statements seem to be in opposition. The former could be referring to the 'first commoner in the kingdom's history', maybe? (Though my read was instead that no one had ever done so)

36%
"The Office of General Affairs was located fairly centrally to the royal palace"
Probably just me, but the 'to' is throwing me off. To -> within, perhaps?

V1 P2, 21%
She was instead staring at Nadia with visible nervousness. “You’re a daughter of a... earl?"
25% "Prime example of this: My father’s a earl, and yet you run laps around him in the decency department, Martina."
a -> an (though could be an in-character slip up in the first case, due to shock/finding her words)

V13 P7, 60%
"It really was fortunate that he hadn’t been kicked in the head or stomach. Really, did that hoof mark on his lower back really not hurt?"
Repetition. 2 instances are probably fine, but may replace or remove one of the latter two?

67%
"A metal door opened, from which a tall woman emerged. She looked to be just a little older than Dahila."
Dahila -> Dahlia

Volume 4 Part 3
48% was to figure out how to figure out how to stop the rampancy. -> was to figure out how to stop the rampancy.

35.3:

hunting dog can provide us first,"Giran Ririn then added.

hunting dog can provide us first," Giran Ririn then added.

Part 4 has a "Takagamahara" that should probably be "Takamagahara" instead.

V6 P1 (76% - 12th line up from bottom of page)

alt text

Insert "I" in outlined box for better syntax...
e.g.,

I happened to find myself dining with the rest of them," I explained plainly.

Volume 1 Part 3
16% topped backward -> toppled backward

v1p4:

58% - from the young female knights perspective -> female knights’ perspective ? (“their” is used later in the same sentence instead of “her”, so I presume that the “knights” is supposed to be a plural possessive, instead of a singular possessive).

Volume 4 Part 10
52% "The Colt Highland Federation truly is skilled at sales. It's impressive how you keep making new products."
Sales and product development are two very different things. Should the first line perhaps be referring to 'business' instead of sales?

V8.2 P10, 90%

that I have demonstrated efficiency and capability of the units ->
that I have demonstrated the efficiency and capability of the units

“Once that kind of culture was establish”
established