V5P1 0% - "Is there any point to the formalities after we've known each other so long?" Claude pointed out. "We meet every day." - I think this should actually be Sumire speaking

V8.2 P9, 78%

What reasons could she possibly have to reject her help?
her -> his

10.2:

Ann told Sara. And I met Rod and the other

Ann told Sara. "And I met Rod and the other

v7p3, ~61%

[…] eventually they'd little choice but to interact.

As a non-native speaker, this contraction threw me off in parsing the sentence. I'd appreciate if it was changed to an explicit they had, as I tried to expand to a they would that was incomplete, and not there.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't remember me. […]

Feels like the wrong tense. I wouldn't have been surprised fits better as the phrase as it is projects an expectation into the future, but the guard already recognized here.

v2p10 ~13%

–that's it's all a game.

Should probably be that it's all a game.

v12p14 ~16%

"Farwell," Desperad said […]

Should be Farewell

V11 P4 (78% - 4th line down from top of page)

alt text

"I" appears to be missing and should be inserted in the annotated area:
i.e., But as I sank into self-deprecation,

(94% - last line on page)

alt text

Replace "must" with "might" for better syntax.
e.g. I might just get swept along with the current again.

@Hylebos Even the punctuation in her story is wicked!

V4 P10, 36%
"Tatiltiu had been knocked off her feet, and as if to pour salt into the wound, Mina followed up by launching an absurd amount of snowballs at her."
Tatiltiu -> Tailtiu

Volume 4 - Part 7:
[56%]

"I exchange, I just ask that you handle the winner's prize as well," I said

(1) I > In
(2) Missing a period at the end of the sentence. said.

Volume 4 - Part 9:
[18%]

"Next up is bathrooms," I said.

(1) The subject is plural. is > are. Could be rephrased as: "Next up are the bathrooms,"
(2) The context just right before this sentence was talking about baths. So using bathrooms to refer to the toilets immediately right after makes it confusing. Since the facility name is already "Public Restroom", it might be better to just use the same term: restrooms.

[59%]

We've got a foot shortage on our hands, but they seem to be just fine!"

Typo. Should be food.

V1P1, 33%: "he was still little something of an outsider"
70% "it was bustling with the activity [of] morning training.'
76%: "Kenji checked the readings of [a] yin-yang gauge"

V1P2, 18%: "The receptionist put a bundle of banknotes on the counter, each worth a costly five yen [...] Having confirmed that there were indeed five one-yen notes" - either there are multiple ¥5 notes or five ¥1 notes, but both of these things cannot be true.

V10P3 97%
WIth -> With

In volume 9 part 9, Tsuji says, "Maybe Peter Carol’s pentagram ritual... No, maybe it needs to be more abstract than that." His name is Peter Carroll, not Peter Carol. He wrote Liber Null and Liber Kaos and he was one of the founders of the Illuminates of Thanateros. He's a niche figure, so I understand not knowing about him, but he is a specific real guy who's surname is spelled with two rs and two ls.

v5P1p4:

82% - […] why were some of Estavarde’s people chasing me […] -> Typo: Estaverde, as its spelled everywhere else in this part 91% - […] sometimes made for fierce arguments across vertical plains […] -> Wrong spelling: planes

v10p6 ~39%:

The reality was that I was an old woman inside, so that could be why we were able to understand each other or at least be on a somewhat similar page.

old woman -> old fogey?

We were discussing this on the JNC discord a bit, to the best of our recollections, previously Nia has stated that she's unsure of what gender she was in her previous life, whereas here she seems to be taking a more concrete stance on her gender.

If that's what the Japanese translates out to then that's well and good, but we figured it was worth double checking. If not, a more gender-neutral term like fogey would be appropriate. She's certainly called herself as such in the past, such as in v3:

v3p4 ~82%:

Honestly, I wished that the real Nia Liston got to survive rather than an old fogey like me.

V6 P8 (50% - 3rd line down from top of page)

alt text

I believe the encircled word should be alert not alter.

v5 p6

~5%

A bow of light materialized in the Archangel’s hand. He drew it swiftly in one, continuous motion, loosing an arrow that flew toward Leah with incredulous speed—an immediate use of force. Either that was how he greeted all intruders, or Leah had successfully provoked him.

=> incredible. "Incredulous" is a state of mind, specifically "skeptical" or "disbelieving".

That being said, Merriam-Webster indicates there is a non-standard meaning of "incredible":

nonstandard : incredible sense 1
incredible adjective
1 : too extraordinary and improbable to be believed

So maybe the usage was intended here?

~ 15%

But the fact that she even could execute such precise, stable movements at her absolute limit... That was all thanks to her relentless training. Since she couldn’t train her muscles in real life, her physical speed could never improve. So instead, she honed everything else to a razor’s edge. Her ability to read ahead—her perception, her insight.

Something seems off with the phrasing -- why can't she train her muscles in real life? Maybe that sentence should be:

Since she couldn’t train her virtual muscles in real life, her physical speed in the game could not be improved that way. So instead, she honed everything else to a razor’s edge. Her ability to read ahead—her perception, her insight.