V3P7 ~67%
"I couldn't tell. No. I couldn't, but I didn't want to. This couldn't be real." -> "I couldn't tell. No. I couldn't, but I didn't want to. This couldn't be real."

V2 P3 (66% - 10th line down from top of page)

..., she intendedbe kind to him.

add space and "to" for better syntax:

---> she intended to be kind to him.

V9 P1 24% - two adorable smiles began bouncing around - smiles should be slimes

V3 P9 (12% - Line 9 & 10 from top of the page)

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Change "award" to "away".

v4 p10

~5%

<Holy mother of vague, Mali. If you worded it that way on purpose to both grab my attention, then congratulations, it worked.>

Something seems awkward here. "Both" is used to indicate two or more things -- but there is no additional thing mentioned beyond the grabbing of Leah's attention, e.g. both grab my attention and confuse me. Maybe the both is unnecessary and can be omitted?

V2P8
though she sometimes said some words that were too difficult for me to grasp, such as, "I wonder how I can get some good old fan service to happen. Maybe Prince Raph would be happy if he got a good glimpse of my panties?"

I think you should probably reword the whole sentence around the word "pantsushot".
Like "Maybe Prince Ralph would be glad if I gave him a pantsushot from time to time?"

Part 8, at 69%, pretty sure the wrong name was used. All 4 of them are supposed to have attacked, yet Franz's name is used twice. I think the first one, where Franz ised magic, as supposed to be Connie instead, as Franz was running with a sword at the time.

V14P8 91%: All six types of ogres - Red Ogre, Blue Ogre, Yellow Ogre, White Ogre, Yellow Ogre, and Black Ogre : Yellow Ogre is listed twice instead of some other colour.

V5 P9
(9% - 9th line down from top of page)

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Add missing "she" to sentence

(91% - 11th line down from top of page)

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"First and foremost" - most importantly; more than anything else.
e.g. "I'm first and foremost a writer"

v4p7:

64% - Even in death, he had been robbed his dignity. -> Probable missing word: he had been robbed of his dignity. I think that some versions of english (British? Another American dialect? Other?) sometimes don't use “of”, but it probably should be there in this case.

@Jojajones We're witnessing the cannonization of a pun. Seen it used in another book title already. A bit blunt if you ask me, but to each generation their sense.

Volume 7 - Part 11:

[74%] I only tagged alone this time >> should be along

Volume 7 - Part 12:

[95%] on the head.She looked >> needs a space

@karasutengu "I'd felt" = "I had felt", meaning the verb is in the past perfect tense. Thus, the "felt" here is not a simple past tense but rather a past participle. The same is true of "opened". "I'd opened" = "I had opened". The "had" there also extends to "seen" because the "and" is joining the two verbs of the compound predicate. The "I" here is performing both the actions of "had opened" and "had seen", so the two verbs must be in the same tense, past perfect.

"I had opened and had seen" isn't technically incorrect, but it sounds stiff and awkward, which is why English allows the second "had" to be dropped!

V2P3, 65%: “that leads us [to] today”
P4, 87%: “However, that's not a problem if I get just the one tocome running.”
P9, 8%: “A present's not just something you just give them at that's it” - and

Can Two-Law Tyrant be changed to Two-Law Usurper? The story will explain why he's called an usurper. Plus, there will be another character that uses Tyrant, so this would help prevent confusion.

v9p10:

12% - “[…] after I had done my business,” Cara replied, her tone perfectly even. -> Carla 45% - We had invited the head honcho of all three nations to proceed with the signing of the contract […] -> Typo? Poor phrasing? There isn’t one head for all three, but one for each: the head honchos of all three nations or perhaps the head honchos of the three nations.

v17p8 ~40%:

"Kiara. I'm sure we can't pry him for details about an important job HIs Grace put him to."

HIs -> His.

V2 P2 (16% - 5th line down from top of page)

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Just FYI from Merriam-Webster Dictionary online:
Sneaked is the original past tense form of sneak, but in the late 1800s, the alternative past tense form snuck began making its way into American English. It is now very common and is considered standard.

V10 P1 35% "heir to the [Wayne] family headship." -> Wynne

@alahue this story definitely needs something like a tragedy tag to give people a heads up on what they're getting in to.
Many people don't enjoy being blind sided with

spoiler
At the same time, people who do love it and are specifically looking for these kinds of stories don't have any way to tell that this story will scratch their itch