V5P3

0%: "the empire’s army and a large band of soldiers await them. " -> awaited 0%: "their shoulders, and from then on, they’d need only" -> definitely don't need the second comma, possibly don't need the first 0%: "easily kept watch of the kingsnake’s location" -> kingsnakes' (assuming plural possessive) 0%: "Its head peaked out of the ground" -> peeked (also at 13%) 50%: "could see. She weaved neatly through" -> wove 75%: "Lucica was the beast bowman (or bowwoman) in the whole empire." -> best 75%: in the last 1/5 of the page "thus" is used an excessive number of times?

At 80% Dorino's name is there instead of Dona's. I checked and Dona was there for the other times.

It's this sentence:
"Dorino's grass-green eyes squinted as he laughed..."

V8.2 P16, 52%
"Akira was slowing his sense of time, but by a standard clock, their telepathic conversation took no longer than an instant."
I think 'so' might work better than 'but' here (the former being the reason for the latter).
Or alternatively "Akira wasn't slowing his sense of time, but by a standard clock, their telepathic conversation took no longer than an instant."

v1p9

32% - […] were scrambling to get out of dodge in fear of their own town being overrun […] -> Missing capitalization: Dodge, a reference to the Wild West’s Dodge City, although Martina’s world might not have one of those, so I’m not sure about the phrase.. Unless a previous Saint… “[G]et out of Dodge” might be too American for her world? It just really looks wrong when it’s not capitalized.

@Khazidhea said in To Another World... with Land Mines! - Corrections Topic:

"Diola-san rattled on excitedly for a while before we could greet her. This prompted Haruka to hastily lift her hands and push back Diola-san in an attempt to calm her down."

If “hastily” means “impatiently”, “assertively”, “decisively”, or “brashly,” or if the Japanese audience would get that impression from the description of her motions, then it should be replaced with “impatiently”, “assertively”, “decisively”, or “brashly.”

If “hastily” just means “suddenly” or “quickly,” it should be deleted. Time words are rarely necessary in English, and as was mentioned, it conflicts with the described action.

Good catch, @Khazidhea.

PS: This reminded me of something that's more about writing and editing than proofreading, but still pertinent here.

Words like “suddenly”, “quickly” and their synonyms are highly discouraged by style guides for being pointless. No writing rules are absolute, but this red flag often indicates that the author needs to better describe the action.

Answering, “What does it mean? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How does it affect you?” is always more impactful than just “suddenly.”

Like here, what does “hastily” say about why Haruka is doing this? What is she feeling? How should Diola take it? How should everyone else take it? It says nothing about the story. A functionally meaningless word.

v5p4:

95% - What did you think, Hedins? -> Hednis 96% - […] in a horse voice. -> Wrong spelling: hoarse

v4:

The series page shows the book as expired already, when it doesn’t even start until next week. The individual parts are shown as expiring on 2025-12-15, so I presume that they’re supposed to expire on 2026-12-15.

@Hylebos This is referring to the the day having an evolution rather than the day of an evolution arriving. Thank you for pointing out that it could be made more clear though.

v1 p1

0%

It was an age when the night sky still lacked its golden sovereign. Rain melted people and devoured them. Trees writhed and swallowed cities whole. The dead were turned into seedbeds from which demons were born. As fiends led by their kings poured forth from the east, it seemed that humanity’s extinction was not far off.

Then a woman stood upon the Hill of Wishes. When she raised her staff, a moon appeared in the lightless night sky and burned away every last demon.

Should that be silver sovereign, referring to a moon? Or is the moon golden in this world?

(I had to re-read that first paragraph multiple times, I thought it might be implying that the setting is a binary star system.)

v5 p8

~65%

Sara straightened her posture. “Y-Yes?! What is it, Your Highness?” “Do you...believe it likely that we’ll receive support from the halidom?”

A paragraph break is required between the two sentences, as the speaker changes from Sara back to Tiffa:

Sara straightened her posture. “Y-Yes?! What is it, Your Highness?” ¶
“Do you...believe it likely that we’ll receive support from the halidom?”

V7 P8, 47%
"When I changed and went outside, I found Kent standing by the bud."
'The bud' -> 'the buds' or 'a bud'

93%
“Those vegetables look delicious. I want them all.”
Perhaps not an error, but my reading from this is that she wants to buy the entire stock, not just one of each.

V11 P10 (40% - 2nd line down from top of page)

"Though it could endure the attacks of a novice or keep someone safe in a minor accident, it offered next to protection from a hunter harnessing mana material."

Insert missing "no" between to and protection.

e.g. it offered next to no protection from a hunter...

@ca-lima Thank you for the hard work, i look forward to reading it!