Volume 13 part 2 44%

"Why aren't there any adventurers here? Wait! Are they all on some sort of emergency mission I did get told about?"

While it is entirely believable the protagonist would be dumb enough to ask that this early in the volume, I think that "did" is supposed to be "didn't".

V4 P2 (47% - 11th line up from bottom of page)

alt text

Insert missing "on" between outlined words
e.g. Astrid got up on Tien's shoulders.

V17 P8, 28%
"Ka Kunlou was a man well-versed in the Serpents’ secret techniques. He knew plenty of useful and peculiar medicines and poisons, how to mix a powder that glowed when wet, and even how to cause an explosion that could fill a room with dust."
By any chance, could the sentence be referring to a 'dust explosion'? If so: "and even how to cause an explosion [from a room filled] with dust."
Or more explicitly: "and even how to cause an explosion [with nothing more that the fine particles in the air of a room filled] with dust."

V2p10 10% - [There's a piece of paper pasted here] - I think this is meant to be replaced by an illustration?

V13 P6, 68%
“No, it hasn’t. The stronger one’s magic is, the more quirks it is likely to have. It tends to have more quirks."
Repetition. Could be there for emphasis or nuance, if so change one of the 'quirks'. Otherwise second portion could be deleted.

V4P7

67%: "“W-Well, stop it!” she yelled, her face beat red." -> beet

@Shiroi-Hane - I think you mean V4P1 instead of V4P12, yes?

v7p15 ~69%

[...] and the neutral faction that was neither openly hostile toward him nor particularly friendly toward him.

The duplication of toward him feels ugly. I'd just drop the first occurrence.

v1p3 ~0%

[...] that they couldn't unable to abandon [...]

couldn't abandon or would be unable to abandon or wouldn't be able to abandon

~35%

My outrage piqued so dramatically [...]

Maybe peaked? There is no fitting meaning of piqued here.

v2p9 ~0%

They'd entered a tube that some brought [...]

Should likely be somehow.

~96%

"Well, after a half a year of [...]

The first "a" needs to go.

v2p8 ~97%

It seems I should leave this to you," [...]

Misses the opening double quotation mark.

v3p9 ~58%

Like I said , she's [...]

There's an extra space before the comma.

~85%

I think you're over reacting.

Overreacting should be one word.

~88%

Maybe she came in place of Diana?

Depending who is thinking this (and reasonable expectations about guard members, and information from the name), this might be better as he.

V18 P1 (71% - 3rd line up from bottom of page)

alt text

Delete "the" for better syntax.

V18 P2 (0% - 7th line up from bottom of 1st page)

alt text

Rino is referred to as "she" or "her" throughout the 1st page.

Volume 2 Part 18
17% I know him, but we've never met. -> I know of him, but we've never met.
I believe this is probably the English version of what the author is trying to say.

Volume 4 Part 9
60% shrieked as shot -> shrieked as he shot
61% all had a similar aura to them, and they -> all had a similar aura, and they

@hornet65 oh sorry, they should be the same ranks. Should be earl

v2p9:

24% - sShe looked on the verge of tears -> Extra letter: She

v7p2 ~29%

[...] which will be impacted by the question of if imperial soldiers are with them or not.

"of if" sounds weird. Even though the whole sentence already starts with whether, I'd suggest to use

[...] which will in turn be impacted by the question whether imperial soldiers are with them or not.

~45%

[...] would put me on the same level as the Divinities their histories.

Likely missing an "of".

~71%

[...] barely contained by his oily was tough to look at.

His oily what? I am actually curious, as I could only imagine hair, which makes no sense.

~77%

[...] give off the vibes of someone's dirtbag landlord?

While it makes sense if you think long enough about it, just someone's would feel better, especially with "someone's" being used in the next sentence again

~90%

[...] the question of if [...]

I'd suggest whether again.

~100%

[...] that the Divinity were men among his concubines.

had instead of were? Or that there were men among the Divinities?