<Holy mother of vague, Mali. If you worded it that way on purpose to both grab my attention, then congratulations, it worked.>
Something seems awkward here. "Both" is used to indicate two or more things -- but there is no additional thing mentioned beyond the grabbing of Leah's attention, e.g. both grab my attention and confuse me. Maybe the both is unnecessary and can be omitted?
Nanalie family name is Ronamis in the chapter title and RonamisRominas in the rest of the chapter. Not sure which is the right one, but the latter looks like a bulk replace mistake.
Yep, "Replace All" mistake was the first thing I thought of too.
V2P8
though she sometimes said some words that were too difficult for me to grasp, such as, "I wonder how I can get some good old fan service to happen. Maybe Prince Raph would be happy if he got a good glimpse of my panties?"
I think you should probably reword the whole sentence around the word "pantsushot".
Like "Maybe Prince Ralph would be glad if I gave him a pantsushot from time to time?"
Part 8, at 69%, pretty sure the wrong name was used. All 4 of them are supposed to have attacked, yet Franz's name is used twice. I think the first one, where Franz ised magic, as supposed to be Connie instead, as Franz was running with a sword at the time.
V14P8 91%: All six types of ogres - Red Ogre, Blue Ogre, Yellow Ogre, White Ogre, Yellow Ogre, and Black Ogre : Yellow Ogre is listed twice instead of some other colour.
64% - Even in death, he had been robbed his dignity. -> Probable missing word: he had been robbed of his dignity. I think that some versions of english (British? Another American dialect? Other?) sometimes don't use “of”, but it probably should be there in this case.