I’m not sure I would have picked this up had I known what it was actually about from the beginning (not the sort of thing I usually go for), but I can’t say I’m disappointed I did. I didn’t love the idol character, and I was disappointed that Haruhi kind of disappeared in the epilogue, but overall an interesting writing style, mix of characters, and themes. I think I’ve tried all the contest entries that got published (and have kept up with all but one), and this one feels the most…literary? Like it could fit in in a literature class including contemporary novels, while still also being a light novel that incorporates aspects of visual novels. Well done, especially if this is your first work.
Also, assuming the afterword is indicative of your own experience, my condolences. I lost a brother too (my oldest). He suffered from depression and anxiety from a really young age and ultimately overdosed. My parents did everything they could for him the best they knew how but ultimately couldn’t prevent it. It doesn’t do any good to blame yourself, but that can be easier said than done. Good for you for writing this book as part of your healing process.